The parents are an institution and inspiration. Their children learn from them. Among their many duties, getting their children married, conducting the wedding efficiently are some of the traits they have to perform in life. I wish to share the nuances of conducting a wedding.
Marriage is the union of man and woman and the wedding is the celebration. While the couple plans their future, the parents worry about the happiness of the couple. One may celebrate the wedding lavishly but the marriage should not be a failure. Then it is a waste of time, energy, and expenditure.
Love marriage was rare once. The women had to obey their parents. The parents would be heartbroken if the marriage failed. So they advised their daughters to adjust with the husband and his people. The women lived without the right to demand or to express their feelings.
Later, people reduced their children and educated them. The girls studied well. Their liberation movement arrived and the men also understood their feeling. They started supporting them. The parents became submissive and listened to their daughters. The women took an equal share in everything.
Due to better education, career, and other reasons, women tend to delay their marriage. Most of the girls, as well as their parents, are not aware of DOWN'S SYNDROME. It deals with getting mentally retarded children if the girl's marriage or pregnancy is delayed. The more the delay, the more the possibility. It is caused only by the girl and not the boy.
Hence the concept of marriage has become more complex. In arranged marriages, the parents have to look at various aspects. Love marriages can be encouraged only if they conform to the following criteria. The important points to be considered for fixing up an alliance in BOTH cases are:
1. Both should belong to the same community to get the acceptance and blessings of the elders.
2. The boy should be equally or slightly better qualified than the girl for intellectual balance.
3. The boy should be 3 to 5 years older than the girl for mental maturity.
4. If both work, then the boy should earn more than the girl to avoid ego.
5. The boy should have the backing of his family to meet any eventuality in life.
6. It is advisable if one is emotional the other should be intellectual.
7. The willingness of the boy and girl is more important as they are going to live their life.
Paramacharya advocated that marriages should be conducted in a simple way without a dowry. The money can be gifted to the girl for her safety in the future. You can feed the poor. Some take a loan and it takes time to clear the debts. Some prefer their daughter to earn for her marriage. The more the number of invitees, the more the expenses.
A family function is an occasion when you recognize close people who came forward to wipe your tears when you were in distress. It is better to share Rs.1000 among 10 people at Rs100 each instead of 100 people at Rs10 each. We should try to give 70% of the total expenses as gifts.
Only important and close people should be invited. Everyone is not a relative or friend. Only people with blood relations are relatives and only people in whose family we have dined mutually are our friends. When invitees are reduced, the expenditure drastically comes down. The following is a thumb rule for finalizing the invitees.
1. Their parents.
2. Their brothers and sisters
3. Their Sambandhis if any.
4. Their close friends.
5. The married cousins and close friends of the person getting married.
6. Neighbours.
[friends and neighbours should be invited only for the wedding day]
The total may come to 60 or 70. To print 100 invitations is enough. There should be no dowry as the girls are eligible for an equal share in the property. A wedding may be conducted in one's house or in a temple or in a small hall. The food should be simple, tasty, and traditional. Too many items lead to more expenditure, wastage, and ill-health.
Both parents should cooperate. The boy's father should not invite anyone on the road and make the girl's father pay through his nose. He should have self-respect and should not demand anything. He should realize that it is also the wedding of his son. If such an attitude prevailed, there will be happiness everywhere.
After the wedding is over, the couple should go to the nearby marriage Registrar's office and register the marriage. The registrar will then issue a marriage certificate. Only this certificate will safeguard the legal interest of the couple in case of any future problems. I am sure most of the people who read this may not agree with my views. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.
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