WE LEARN FROM OTHER'S EXPERIENCES.

Hi friends,

Life is the process of learning. We learn something every day, every minute. We also learn from other's experiences. I have a lot of experiences in my life. I write about my experiences not to show off but to share with others so that they learn something.

Most of the people who work in an organization think that they are indispensable and that the establishment would suffer if they leave it. You are totally under the wrong impression. The company will survive even without you and it will hire a younger person with more talent at less pay.

That is why senior people are offered voluntary retirement. They are replaced by youngsters who will work with more energy and enthusiasm for lesser pay. For professional degree holders, it may be possible to get another job. For others, it will be difficult to get a job on equal footing.

If lucky, you may get a job with less salary and it will be difficult to manage the family. Life will become miserable. I committed this blunder of leaving the job in 1992 when I was 47 with two kids aged16 and 12. Since then, for 25 years, I suffered like hell. I was doing odd jobs. By 2000, I exhausted all my savings. I became bankrupt. I nearly went to the extent of suiciding.

My children came to my rescue. They were wonderful. They started earning from 2000. They supported us to their maximum. We decided to live within their money and also save it. we wanted to spend only the interest part of it. It was like having the pudding and also eat it. In management, it is said, when you want to improve the profit, either you increase the sales or reduce the expenses.

Fortunately, I had a house to stay in and avoid rent. My wife contributed a lot to save. She understood the situation and spent economically. We spent only on necessities, ignored the comforts, and forgot the luxuries. It was a Herculean task. We resurrected like a phoenix. With God's grace, we could achieve it.

I wrote accounts daily and prepared a summary at the end of the month and year. It helped to plan. In 15 years, by 2015, we saved what our children had given us and also lived our life. My family is like a car, my daughter is the engine, my son is petrol and we are the drivers. The tendency to save became a habit.

Even after coming out of the woods, we are continuing to live economically to save for the children. We now get more than what we need. We have told our children not to send any money. I will be glad if this article is of any use to you. GOD BLESS YOU.

Year         Food         Nonfood             Capital             Total

                                                        [Excl.house] 

  2001          2500             --                   1500              4000

      02         3000              --                  5340              8340 [surya MCA fees]

      03         3750              --                  1660               5410         -do-

      04         2845           2126                1529               6500

      05         2401           1889                1343               5633

      06         2309          1515                   813               4637   

      07         2687          1687                 1440               5814

​      08         2454​          2203                1809               6466

​      09         2495          1865                1059                5419​
​      10          2266          1235                1302               4803​

​      11           2390          1358                2022              5770​

​      12          2838          1152                 2219               6209​

​      13          3580            822                1781               6183​

​      14          4300           1858                1026              7184​

​      15          4340           1874                1960              8174​

Total         44155           19584              26803           90542

Average      3680            1632                2234              7546

WHEN I WAS JUST TEN

Hi friends,

I was traveling from Hyderabad to Chennai by train. I did not get sleep. I was just thinking about my first journey in life. It happened in 1955 when I was just ten. I made it alone. You may be surprised how a ten-year-old boy could make a lone journey. 

I was in Vaigai Dam studying 5th standard. After annual exams, I wanted to go to my maternal grandparents home at Valady village near Tiruchy. My father was not willing to send me alone. He could not take me also. He was not willing to oblige despite my assurance.  

One day, my paternal grandmother complained to my father that I was mischievous, creating problems and advised him to pack me off. Reluctantly, my father agreed to send me to Valady. I took a pair of dresses, a maths book and notebook for doing homework, and just Rs.2/ for expenses. 

There were Jaya and Rahim transports. Jaya was red and Rahim was blue. I went to Periakulam by Jaya. I took another bus to reach Kodaikanal Road. From there, I took a train to reach Tiruchy. As I missed the last train to Valady, I had to wait at the station for the next train early next morning. 

Total expense till then was 12 annas ie 75 paise. I was left with one rupee and four annas. [ One rupee equals 16 annas and one anna equals 12 paise and one rupee equals 192 paise ]. I did not sleep throughout the night, walking the length and breadth of the platform, to save my property !!! 

I loved the cool drinks. Vincent colour Goli soda was popular then. I was fascinated by the mechanism of the Goli. I wondered how the goli was put inside and how it was able to stop the gas from coming out. If you keep the goli on top, the liquid flowed out. If you keep the goli down, the flow got stopped.

It was one anna and I had 14 bottles during that night to avoid sleep. I simply enjoyed the burp. One must be careful while releasing the gas. By mistake, if you release it thro' the nose, it would be a different experience. I had a number of burps from 14 bottles.[ Later, my parents used to make fun of this incident]  

I took the train at 5 AM. However, I could not control the sleep. I woke up at Lalgudi which was beyond Valady. The TTE asked for the ticket. I gave him the ticket up to Valady and told him that I slept and missed the station. He allowed me to go back to Valady by the same train on its return journey. A nice gesture.

To be with my grandparents was a wonderful experience. For two months, I could be under their love and care.  I could play different games and also swim in the river with my friends for the whole day every day. What else a boy could enjoy in life during summer vacation? MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

DEVELOPING GODLINESS

Talking about spiritualism, involving in spiritual activities, attending discourses, reading spiritual books, saying prayers and slokas, visiting temples, doing poojas are acts to exhibit one's bhakti towards God. It may help to control the mind to perform virtuous acts. But it is difficult to attain Godliness. It comes with constant and sincere practice. It should be the ultimate objective in one's life. God is pure. To reach Him, one must also be pure. Both body and mind should be pure. This can be achieved only by continuous practice. We have to undergo many births to become pure. 

Man is full of desires. He takes many births to get his desires fulfilled. More the births he takes, his desires get reduced and he becomes purer. A person of 30 may be elder to a person of 70 depending on the number of births he has undergone and how pure his thoughts are. Everyone undergoes life as per his intentions and actions. For all good acts, he gets the credit, and for the bad acts debit. 

For developing Godliness, becoming desireless is important. In other words, renunciation leads to realization. Assuming a person lives an average life of 70 years, the first 50 years are spent in performing his duties ie Karma Yoga. For the next 10 years, he spends reading various spiritual books and enhances his knowledge about God and Godliness ie Bakthi Yoga. For the rest of his life, he practices renunciation and concentrates on God through meditation and yoga ie Gnana Yoga.

Renunciation is rejecting something previously enjoyed and abandoning material comforts in achieving spiritual enlightenment and leading a holy life free from lust, craving, and desire. The person who attains this state is speechless. He does not get anger, taste, dress sense, sex, likes and dislikes, hatred, pain, or pleasure. He becomes devoted to God and godliness. Such a stage is called spiritually enlightened. Everyone should try to attain this state which is called BLISS.

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TO LAUGH IS HEALTHY

Hi friends,

1.உனக்கு தெரியுமா? அவர்தான் குருவுக்கு மிஞ்சிய சிஷ்யர்.

ஓ அப்படியா! அவ்வளவு கெட்டிக்காரறா?

இல்லை, மற்ற சிஷ்யர்கள் ஓடிப்போய் விட்டாங்க.

2.ஐந்து வயது சிறுவன் விடாமல் அழுது கொண்டிருந்தான். அவன் தந்தை அவனிடம் வந்து,"ஏன் அழுகிறாய் ஒரு நண்பன் போல் என்னிடம் சொல்" என்றார்.

அதற்கு அவன்," இல்ல மச்சி, இன்னொரு சாக்லேட் கேட்டேன், உங்காலு அடிக்சிறுச்சி" என்றான்

3.ஒரு தாத்தா வீட்டு வாசலில் ஒரு செக்கு இருந்தது. ஒரு மாடு அதை சுற்றி வந்தது. அதன் கழுத்தில் ஒரு மணி இருந்தது. மாடு சும்மா இருந்தால் மணி சத்தம் கேக்காது. தாத்தா ஹேய் ஹேய் என்று சத்தம் போடுவார். மாடு நகர ஆரம்பிக்கும். 

M.A. படித்த தாத்தாவின் பேரன்," ஏன் தாத்தா, மாடு நகராமல் கழுத்தை மட்டும் ஆட்டிநா என்ன பண்ணுவீங்க? என்றான். 

அதற்கு தாத்தா "அது உன்னை மாதிரி M.A. படிக்கவில்லை" என்றார்.

In yoga, they suggest to laugh out to De-stress. Actually, it is an artificial way. It is better to be natural. I give you two incidents that will help you to laugh.

THE ACCIDENT

There was an announcement on the Radio.

"50 people got crushed at the Railway station, one escaped unhurt"

The TV station immediately sent a reporter to interview the person escaped. The reporter asked him what happened? How 50 people got crushed? The man replied that due to a small mistake in the announcement, the accident happened.. 

What was the small mistake?

The person said they announced that the train would arrive on platform 3 shortly. On hearing this, all 50 people moved from the platform to the track nearby to save themselves, but the train wrongly came on the track and they got killed.

The reporter then asked him how you escaped?

He said I was lying on the track to suicide myself. On hearing the announcement  I moved from the track to the platform. But the train did not come on the platform.as announced and I escaped.

5.THE TOURIST

A tourist landed at Chennai Central station. He took an auto to visit various places. Finally, he returned to the station to go to Bangalore. The auto meter showed Rs.200/- He told the driver that the meter started at 25 hence he would pay only 175. The driver objected and demanded 200. The tourist refused and a crowd gathered around them. 

Then the DRIVER told the tourist that he would put him a puzzle and if he answered it correctly then he need not pay. Otherwise, he should pay 200. The TOURIST agreed. The driver told him, "my mother gave birth to a child. It is neither my brother nor my sister. then who else?" The tourist could not answer. He then asked for the answer. The driver said," It is me". The tourist accepted defeat and paid him 200.

He then went to Bangalore. There, he took an auto and went around the city. Finally, he came back to the station to go to Hyderabad. The meter showed Rs/-175. The tourist told the driver that the meter started at 25, so he would pay only 150. The driver objected and a crowd gathered. The TOURIST told the driver that he would put a puzzle and if the driver answered it correctly he would pay 175 otherwise, he would not pay anything. 

He thought that the driver may not know the answer and that he could make a profit. The DRIVER accepted. The tourist told him, "My mother gave birth to a child. It is neither my brother nor my sister, then who else?" The driver could not answer. He accepted defeat and asked for the answer. Then the tourist told him the answer.

" IT IS THE CHENNAI AUTO DRIVER !!!"

6. TEACHER:  Tell me a compound sentence.

     STUDENT:  Stick No Bills.

UNDERSTANDING MOVIES

Hi friends,

I have seen many movies in Tamil, Hindi, Malayalam, Telugu, Kannada, Bengali, English, French, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, and Korean films with subtitles. World cinema gives you in-depth knowledge about film making.

A movie should focus mainly on the story. Assuming that you are going to the railway station in an auto to catch a train, and if it is already late, to what extent you are focused en route? A movie should give such a feeling from start to finish.

Movies are now more popular. Though there is technical development, the quality of the movies is not up to the mark. It is spoiling younger generation with vulgar scenes, drinking alcohol and violence. Box office collection is the main concern.

People are hero-worshiping. Due to popularity, they demand exorbitant rate. This increases the price of the ticket.  This is not a healthy sign for a developing country like India. Hence I wish to say a few words about UNDERSTANDING MOVIES

The movie is the film medium on which a visual is photographed. A cinema is a place or hall where it is exhibited. A movie is classified either a talkie or a movie. A talkie is with more dialogues. Later, movies were made with more visuals.


Movies can be classified into classical and entertaining. A classical movie gives a useful message in an interesting way. A classical movie should have a good story and script with logic. It should be devoid of vulgarity, violence, and perversion. 

It should uphold our cultural and moral values. There must be good music, good lyrics and re-recording, should not be a talkie but a movie, the actors should perform well, editing must be good, and finally, the photography should be pleasing.


Previously, going for movies was only a pastime since people were economically weak and hence did not have an interest. The population, theatres, and number of shows were less. With better income, more people started seeing movies.

Earlier the story was mostly based on mythology. Later, it dealt with social issues. The price of the ticket also went up making it difficult for the common man. What was once 50 paise has gone up to Rs.200/. Going to movies nowadays is very expensive. 

Many people contribute to the making of a movie. The story writer, the dialogue writer, the cameraman, the editor, the art man, the actors, lyricist, the music scorer, and the director. Even if one person fails, the movie will fail at the box office. 

People give importance only to actors. Only the make-up makes a difference. They are paid for their work and they lead their life like others. Later on, they will lose their market and forgotten. There must be public awareness of this issue.

Sathyajit Ray, Mirunal Sen, Aparna Sen, MTV Nair, Adoor G, Thagazhi, Jayakanthan, Girish Karnad, K.Viswanath, GV Iyer, Guru Dutt, Rishikesh Mukherjee, Gulsar, Basu Chatterjee, Vijay Anand, Suraj Barjathya, Sridhar, Barathi Raja, A.Bhimsingh, Bagya Raj, Singitham Srinivasa Rao, L.V.Prasad, Balu Mahendra, Mani Ratnam, Balachandars are some of the directors  who produced classical movies.

I rate the following Tamil movies as classics. They are: 1. Chandraleka, 2. Uthama Puthiran [sivaji], 3.Pasa Malar, 4.Kalyana Parisu, 5. Thulabharam, 6.Nenjil Orr Alayam, 7.Moondram Pirai, 8. Badsha, 9. Nayagan. 10. Enthiran. I do not intend to list out movies in other languages.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

ONLY THE CHILD MAKES THE PARENT

Hi friends,

When we lose something, our feeling for the loss is considerable. What would be the severity of the feeling if we lose our first child? It will be heart-wrenching. We lost our first child and we suffered the loss for more than a year. 

We got consolation only when the second child was in the offing. This time, we took the maximum precaution to avoid any eventuality. I decided to be with her positively at the time of delivery and to take her to the doctor well in time without leaving her under the care of a midwife. 

On the early morning of 24th Aug 1976, she developed labor pains. We took her to the hospital. As the doctor said the delivery would be only by the next morning we brought her home.  During the night, the contractions were frequent. We took her again to the hospital at 4 AM on the next day. 

25th Aug is a special day for me. In the early hours of 25th Aug 1976, my father and myself were anxiously awaiting near the labor room of a small maternity clinic in Srirangam, Tiruchy, praying to Lord Ranganathar to bless my wife for safe delivery.

We prayed that no untoward incident should take place. My father and myself were looking at our watches for the delivery to take place at an auspicious time. You cannot put it in words the tension, anxiety, and agony, I experienced at that time. 

Finally, the cry of the baby came through the windows of the hospital as if Lord Krishna was blowing his conch Panchajanya. The nurse came out and informed us that it was a baby girl. The star was Magam which is a good one. God is great. 

The delivery was normal. I am a proud father of a cute little girl. I have to thank her for making me a father because only the child makes the parent. That little girl is now 40 and she has two wonderful sons and she is leading a great life in the US.

Every 25th Aug, all people are wishing her happy birthday, but I thank her for making me a father. Long live my dear daughter.

GLORIFYING THE MOTHER

Hi friends,

It is heartwarming to see people writing daily about the Mother, Maa, or Mom, etc. in social media glorifying her to the maximum. They are so captivated by the mother. But I feel for the father who may just smile but the mother feels elated.

Many do not realize the value of the father. Father's role is a thankless one. He is much adored when earning, ignored on holidays, and ill-treated after retirement. A man is respected until he earns and the mother until she works.

The mother satiates the hunger but the father cares about acquiring knowledge. Its importance will be known only later in life. In addition, he insists on rules, character, discipline, education, etc which are unwelcome. So the mother is more glorified.

After retirement, the father, wishing to give some rest to his wife, takes her to his son's house. The daughter-in-law, unable to cope up with the stress due to her children, education, employment, finance, domestic chores, ill-health, etc. expects the mother-in-law to contribute. Then the father, sympathizing with his wife, takes her to their daughter's house. The same situation prevails there and the daughter also expects her mother to contribute.

The most important point to be noted here is how the Mother feels about the two. She is happy to help the daughter but not the daughter-in-law. She feels that her daughter-in-law is enjoying her life with her son, whereas her daughter is suffering at her place. This feeling of partiality by the Mother is the root cause of all the problems in the world. 

The whole Universe will be happy only if the mother considers both her daughter and her daughter-in-law as equal. Then there is real meaning in GLORIFYING THE MOTHER.

THE REASON WHY IT IS MOTHERLAND

Hi friends,

Prior to 2013, I was not in favour of people going to the US. It will take a long time for the wards to get citizenship and until then their parents have to be alone. A person can go to the US only for higher studies.

I got my daughter married only to a boy residing in India. However, in 2006, they decided to go to the US for obvious reasons. So I had to be content by staying with my son in Hyderabad. I was rejecting the invitation from my daughter to visit the US.

After seven years, I had to yield to the love for my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren. My son-in-law's parents and all my brothers and sisters persuaded me to go. She arranged for the visa and I arranged for the passports. We alighted the Etihad flight in May 2013 for a stay of 6 months up to Nov 2013.

That was the first time we traveled by air. The distance from Chennai to New York is 16000 kms. The flight sped at 1000 kms per hour at an altitude of 45000 ft. The food was good and the journey was comfortable. It took 19 hours to reach New York. Our daughter and son-in-law received us at JFK airport in New York. 

Life-style, grassy landscape, education, research, technology, political system, cleanliness, discipline, good roads, obeying traffic rules, respecting elders, minding one's business, privacy, independence, women's freedom, job opportunities, work ethics, corruption-free, hero-worshipping, gossip-mongering, dress code, obeying queue are some of the areas we have to learn from them.

Niagara, New Jersey beach, the Manhattan, Grand Central, the Empire State Tower, the Statue of Liberty, the Hudson River tunnel, the Capitol, the White House, the Smithsonian's, the Mystery spot and 27-mile drive in San Francisco, the FALL when the trees change its colour were lovely to watch. 

In addition, the likes of IKEA, Costco, Wegmans, Walmart, Kohls, Target, Staples, Micheals, and the public library were wonderful. Life is beautiful in the US. In Nov, when we had to return, I felt sorry for leaving the US, my daughter, and her family. 
                                               
Subsequently, we visited the US thrice in 2015, 2017, and 2019. It was a total disappointment. It was just like seeing a movie again and again. All things which were fascinating in the first visit did not inspire now. The grandchildren were busy with their studies. My son-in-law was always on tour and my daughter was busy with her career.

We did not go out. We spent the time reading books or browsing the Internet, seeing emails, FaceBook, and U-Tube, or lie in the bed staring at the ceiling. There is no life as there was no freedom. You cannot move outside the home. It is difficult to understand the local dictum. This place is only for young people. It is not a place for old retired people like me. 

There was no sorrow to return. I was happy as I was coming back to my place, my home, my country, and to my people where I belong and where I am the boss., the decision-maker. The motherland cannot be compared with any other place. 

Our lifestyle, the traditions, and customs, the beliefs, the friends and foes, visiting relatives, the quarrel with the neighbour, the temples, the rivers, the different languages, and the culture, the weddings, the hotels, the travels, the crowds, the music, the fruits, the cinema, the forgive and forget attitude, are all unique for this great country.  MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

OH, WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!

Hi friends,

On Maha Shivarathri day. we pray to Lord Shiva and offer him boiled sweet potato mixed with jaggery and ghee and a sweet gravy made of moong dhal. For me, this day has another significance. On this day in 1997, my son-in-law's parents came to see my daughter for an alliance. 

His mother informed us that she was also seen by her husband on Maha Shivarathri day. That was a coincidence. Coincidence is defined as a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without any apparent casual connection. I wish to tell you such an occurrence in our two families.

1. In 1954, when I was just 9, I was studying in Victoria Memorial  Board High School [VMBHS], Periakulam in Madurai district in 4th or 5th standard.

2. At that time, I was not aware that a girl who was also studying in the same school, in the same standard but in a different class would become my sambandhi later in my life.

3. In 1997, after 43 years, that girl came to my house in Chennai alongwith her husband to see my daughter as an alliance for their son. Their marriage took place on Aug 1997.

4. I came to know later, that when their son was studying in SBOA school in Chennai, in 10th standard, our daughter was also studying in the same school in 4th standard.

5. Their son's birth star is Swathi and our son's birth star is also Swathi.

6. Their daughter's birth star is Magam and our daughter's birth star is also Magam.

7. Their son-in-law's birth star is Swathi and our son-in-law's birth star is also Swathi

8. Both their son and our son got married in the same month of August.

9. Their daughter's father-in-law's name is Mr. Hariharan and our son's father-in-law's name is also Mr. Hariharan.

10. They have two grandsons through their daughter and we also have two grandsons through our daughter.

11. They have one granddaughter and we also have one granddaughter.

DO YOU STILL CONSIDER THIS  COINCIDENCE?  GOD IS GREAT!

A MISCHIEF DURING ADOLESCENCE

Hi friends,

Adolescence is the teenage years between 13 and 19. It is the transitional stage from childhood to adulthood. It is the most enjoyable period of one's life. It is an unforgettable stage in life. 

Are you aware of a radio?. It came as a valve set and then a transistor set. The transistor was portable. When I was 16 in 1961, I was in 1st PUC [now 11th] and my elder brother was in 2nd year Degree,

We had a GEC valve radio in our house. It was bought in 1955 and it had served its life. The tuning knobs had gone. The needle also had gone and it was replaced by a real needle. Only my father knew how to tune it. 

For others, It was impossible to move the needle even an mm. My father purposely kept it like that so that the children did not spend their time on the radio without studying.

My brother learned the knack of moving the needle by observing our father. Its volume control was unique. If you tap on the right, side the volume would go up, If you tap on the left, it would go down.

Sometimes, it might go into silent mode as if it is doing meditation. It was not due to a power cut. If you tap on the top of the radio, it would come back to life. Such was the condition of our radio.

My father had no plans to buy a new one until all the children finished their education and even got married. Only my parents would listen to some drama broadcast by AIR Tiruchy at 8 PM  

He used to warn us not to touch the radio but to concentrate on our studies. Only my elder brother and I had the audacity to touch it in his absence.

Every day at 4-30 pm, there was a program broadcast by Radio Ceylon under the caption BINACA GEETH MALA. The latest Hindi movie songs were broadcast at that time. 

My brother was a great fan of Dev Anand and his film JAB PYAR KISSISE HOTA HAI was released then. Its songs were popular and it used to be the first song in the program.

After college at 4-30 pm, he used to come rushing down-home to tune to Radio Ceylon and to listen to his favorite song. The announcer would commence in SINHALESE as follows.

" AAIBO BAVAAN, ME LANKA BILADHUGUVANNA VIDHI SEVIYE, HATHAYAI NAVAYAI PATHYAI,  BINAKA GEETH MALA PROGRAM AARAMBA KREEMITA,  JAB PYAR KISSISE  HOTA HAI CHITRA PATHAYE  LATA MANGESHKAR OUR MOHAMED RAFI"

Mohd. Rafi and Lata had sung the song separately but it was mixed into a single song. However, after enjoying the song, it was a hell of a job to keep the needle back in its original position so that my father would not notice.

Our father, on his return from office, would casually ask who had touched the radio. One of the younger ones, out of the nine, fearing punishment would tell the truth to get a pat from the father as a good Samaritan.

The punishment was "to Fan our father 100 times with a hand fan {visiri]" as there was no electric fan. The Brutus would be banished by the rest of us until he surrendered. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

IS IT PLEASURE OR PAIN?

Hi friends,

People who have completed their duties in educating their children and getting them married may be under the impression that our responsibility is over and we can lead a happy retired life with our grandchildren. We are wrong. We are not free yet.

When we were young,  we were one among many children and we had the responsibility to support our parents until our siblings were married. Our parents might have spent everything on education and wedding expenses and they were gone.

We started our life at around 40. We limited our children to one or two. We gave them professional education and they studied well and got into good jobs. We even constructed a small house and saved something for our retired life.

We got our children married. We led a simple life spending on necessities, avoiding the comforts, and forgetting the luxuries. We managed to live our life until retirement. Our children are earning a good salary and they are happy to take care of us.

Meanwhile, the cost of living has gone up. Lifestyle has changed. Both husband and wife have to work. Credit/debit cards, EMI, Internet, iPhone, sedan, etc. are the order of the day.  They are under stress. It leads to BP, diabetics, migraines, obesity, infertility, depression, etc. Life is not peaceful.

The cost of a flat is one crore. Children's education expenses need one crore. Medical expenses on four parents require one crore. Investment in retired life needs one crore. They have to save five crores in 25 years ie 2 lacs per month. 

We must understand this. We were helping our parents and we have to help our children now. We were simple and economical and we should continue to live like that. That is our life. What to do? IS IT PLEASURE OR PAIN?

FOUR PILLARS OF A FAMILY

Hi friends, 

Family is the fulcrum of life. The purpose of marriage is to get children, bring them up, educate them, get them married so that they take care of their parents in their old age. A family stands on four pillars. Even if one pillar falls, it will collapse. Most people do not understand this and spoil the happiness of the family. 

The four pillars are:
1. The husband.
2. The wife.
3. The husband's parents.
4. The wife's parents.
Let us discuss their responsibilities.

1. THE HUSBAND.
He is the most important person. He runs the show. The control of the family is vested with the breadwinner. Some are attached to the parents and some to the wife. Both are not good. He should love them both. They expect only love. He should make them happy. If he fails, the entire structure fails.

He may give partial control to his parents and keep important matters with him. He should give financial independence to all. The parents will spend judiciously on running expenses. He may consult his parents when there is a need. He should also love his wife's parents and extend help to them.

The joint family system can be avoided. The parents can live independently. Talks over the phone, regular visits, financial and medical assistance will make them happy. Once they are unable to live independently, they can be brought home.

2. THE WIFE:
She is the second in command. Happiness rests in her hands. She may take time to settle. Some girls love the husband but ignore his parents. Some girls love their parents but ignore the husband. Both are wrong. They should love everyone. A possessive attitude leads to all problems. 

She should get on with her mother-in-law. The parents are important to the family. She should extend her love and affection to them. Until she learns the nuances of running the family, she has to play the support role to the mother-in-law. She can take control in due course. 

If she is employed, she can discuss the modalities. She can keep some money for her independence. She can also help her parents. She should realize that running the family is teamwork. If such a positive attitude prevails,  things will be smooth.

3. HIS PARENTS: 
They should remember that they got their son married only for leading a happy life. They should live away until they are healthy. They should be self-sufficient. They should go along with the daughter-in-law and her parents and avoid any expectations. Problems arise only out of expectations.

They should understand the children's lifestyle and should not interfere. They should cover health insurance.  They should save for the children. When they fall down, only their children will take care of them. If they remember this,  life will be smooth. Otherwise, they will have to go to old age homes.

4. HER PARENTS:
They should remember that their daughter should be happy. They should teach her the nuances of a successful life. They must allow them to live their life. She should not be disturbed by their frequent visits. They should not interfere in the affairs of the boy's family.

They should not support their daughter when she is wrong. They can tell their daughter to come back if she is tortured physically, mentally, or psychologically by the husband or his parents. If a marriage fails there is no guarantee that the next one will succeed. They should try not to depend upon their daughter.

CONCLUSION: Everyone has a limit to go. If they remain within their limits things will go smooth. Plan your life and make it a happy and successful one. After all, it is in our attitude. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

PARENTS ARE LIKE GODS

Hi friends,

There was a news item yesterday, about Mumbai police celebrating the birthday of an 83-year-old lady whose children are based in the U.S. 

Senior citizens. with their children migrating abroad, are to face the challenges of aging. 

These senior citizens desire only the warmth of human relationships.

God has imposed a pious​ duty on the child to maintain his parents as they are true images of Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh. This is a universal concept. 

The moral duty under divine law to maintain parents is recognized by all people although, the position and extent of such duty varies from community to community

With the withering away of the joint family system, industrialization, urbanization, globalization, demographics shift, new lifestyle, etc., the status of the senior citizens has deteriorated. 

Parents who were compared to God and addressed as “Matru-Devo​ Bhava”, “Pitru-Devo​ Bhava” etc. are increasingly marginalized. Consequently, the elders are exposed to neglect, rejection, dwindled physical and financial support, and social insecurity. 

There has been a steady rise of older persons, because of the increase in life expectancy. With the increase in population, many parents are not being maintained by their children. They are facing a lot of problems. A country will flourish only when the elders are taken care of.

INDIFFERENCE WITHIN THE FAMILY

Hi friends,

Parents bring up the children, educate them, get them married and make them settle in their life. The parents toil day and night. Their suffering is unimaginable. They do it as a penance. They forego their likes and dislikes. What happens afterward is intriguing.

When they lived as a family, there was no secret. There was love, affection, understanding, give and take, sharing, and caring. They lived for mutual benefit. Everyone felt like a part of the unit. The children knew about the parents, their physical, financial, emotional, and psychological needs.

But what happens when the children get married? They, in turn, get children and lead a similar life to that of their parents. But something intriguing takes place which most of us fail to observe. The children become a separate unit. Secrecy crops up between the two units.

After the marriage, when the children visit their parents, they are received and INCLUDED INTO THEIR FAMILY. There is no secret among them. As before, the parents share about their income, expenses, health, investments, insurance, etc with their children. There is joy and happiness until the children leave.

Whereas, when the parents visit their children, they are just received. They are not INCLUDED INTO THEIR FAMILY. The children keep secrets. Most of the children do not disclose their income, expenses, health, investments, insurance, etc. to their parents. They are indifferent. They feel they are separate. 

WHY THIS INDIFFERENCE?

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IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Hi friends,

Whether it is mother, sister, wife, or friend, I am concerned about the well-being of the women. They are the fulcrum of society. One who does not know how to respect women cannot respect anyone. I write this article with this concern in my mind.

Till the beginning of this century,  women were not given their due place. They only played the role of a mother or sister or wife. While the man earned the money, the woman looked after the home. The work was thus shared among them. They got children, brought them up, and lived happy lives. 

The women were timid, shy, passive, and reserved. They were not allowed to mingle with boys. They were restricted to the house.  They were advised to adjust with their husband and not to spoil their marriage as divorce was not accepted by society. The women lived like slaves.

The next generation arrived. The number of children was reduced. The children were well educated. The girls even excelled at the boys. Education was given importance. The outlook of girls and parents changed. The women went for higher studies and took up employment. There was the empowerment of women.

The women were given an equal share in the property. Their salary was more than their father's. The daughter became an important member of the family. According to Dr. Lakshmi, a psychologist in Chennai, some women became assertive then authoritative, and aggressive. There was total liberation for women. The parents had difficulty getting a suitable alliance for them.

Meanwhile, liberalization came, foreign goods arrived, greed for such goods developed and the cost of living went up sky high. Lifestyle had changed. There was more demand for luxuries. People spent less on necessities but lavishly on luxuries. There was a competition to live in luxury. To meet this, both the husband and wife had to work.

Women found it difficult to manage both home and work. They expected cooperation from others. Few husbands understood this. Credit/debit cards,  EMI, repayment of loans, etc. had become the daily mantra. Due to stress, women developed problems like BP, diabetics, depression, migraine, obesity, infertility, etc. 

Life is not as peaceful as before. Meanwhile, parents are unable to live independently. They want to settle with the son.  In India, the parents are part of the family. The parents are expected to contribute but they are unable to. Are they to go to old age homes? What is the remedy for these problems?  MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

A DAY TO REMEMBER

Hi friends,

In 1963, when I was 18, I entered college. It was St. Joseph's in Tiruchy,  one of the best for results and discipline. The most enjoyable period in life is the college days. Unlike school, you have to follow the lecture, take notes, and prepare for exams. Many people succeed but a few go wayward.

Rev. Fr. Mathias Sj was the principal. When the first bell rang, you could not see even a fly on the veranda. He took a moral instruction class for me. I remember his teachings. The human being is a mixture of good and bad. If good qualities are more he is a saint and if the bad is more, he is a sinner. He used to lecture a lot about the sins of lying. 

My father also insisted on speaking the truth. He would punish severely if anyone lied. The children should come back home before 6 PM, wash their hands and legs, apply Vibuthi on the forehead and chant slokas for 15 minutes in a chorus before the Lord, and then go for their studies. After the study and dinner at 9 PM, we went to bed to get up at 5 AM. 

Daily at 4-30 pm, we, friends numbering 5, met at a particular place. Then we walked through the town covering Chinna Kadai street, Malai Vaasal, then to Main guard gate, had ice cream in Micheal's for 25 ps, or filter coffee at Padma's for 30 ps or super tea at Bilal's in Singarathope for 25 ps. The route covered 5 kms and took an hour.

En route, we had fun talking gossips, jokes, movies, cricket, girls, teachers, lessons, tests, assignments, etc. If we saw beautiful girls, we gave marks for their looks. We argued when more marks were given to less deserved and fewer marks were given to more deserved. However, we never indulged in love affairs. Finally, we said goodbye, promising to meet the next day.

In St.Joseph's, on all Wednesdays, we had a 3-hour test in the morning and free in the afternoon. On one Wednesday, my friends suggested, we would go for a movie in the afternoon. In our house going to a movie was not permitted, especially without the knowledge of the parents. I was hesitant but on persuasion, I agreed. The company of friends lured me, though I was scared of my father.

We decided to go for a Sivaji Ganesan movie. We went to the matinee show at 2-30 PM. The ticket was 63 paise. Though we were friends, everyone had to buy his own ticket. Pocket money was rare. When the movie was halfway, there was a power cut. There was no generator in the cinema. We waited patiently and the power came after an hour.

The movie was over at 7 PM. and it was too late. I took leave of my friends and ran home before my father arrived. On the run,  I collided with my father who was going on the cycle. I was shell-shocked. He also saw me coming out of the cinema. He did not say a word. Cursing my bad luck, fearing the consequences, and praying to all Gods, I quickly returned home.

All my brothers and sisters were studying. I washed my legs, applied Vibudhi, and chanted slokas, and sat before my study table awaiting my father's arrival, with fear and goosebumps in my stomach. After a suspenseful hour, my father entered after buying vegetables for the next day. My father never ate outside. He took milk in a flask and had dinner on return from the office.

The more hungry he was, the angrier he used to be. As he was a workaholic, he might return home anytime. After his return, there was pin-drop silence. After a french bath and applying Vibudhi, he would go for dinner. After dinner, he would sit in his easy chair and read the newspaper or listen to music or drama in the AIR Tiruchy. 

All my brothers and sisters were looking at me with sympathy for coming late. They were not aware of the cinema episode. As usual, my father finished his routine. He did not question me. I was surprised. Then my mother asked me whether I went to the movie in the afternoon. I told her the truth. Nothing happened thereafter. For me, it was A DAY TO REMEMBER.

After 21 years in 1984, when he was staying with me in Chennai,  we used to have fun talking about the past and how strict he was. He had then become mild and pious. He appreciated me for telling the truth. I never lied in my life. I always accepted my mistakes. I also encouraged my children to speak the truth. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

HOW DID I CONTROL MY ANGER?

Hi friends,

In 1972, I was 27 not married. I used to go to the office from T.Nagar by bus route 29B to Perambur in Madras. My friend Koti, from Ashok Nagar, used to join me. Whoever came first, reserved a seat for the other. We had a nice journey for 45 minutes.

Koti used to have tea in a tea stall. I went along with him for company. He used to take tea both in the morning and evening. The tea was 10 paise per cup. I did not have it as I did not like to take on roadside shops.

One day, while having his tea, he vomited blood.  I was scared, shocked, and clueless. I seated him on a bench. I cleaned the bloodstains from his face, shirt, and pant with water. I washed the cup and settled the bill. He looked weak, tired, and broken.

I consoled him. I took him to the company's dispensary. Dr Prasad said he had high blood pressure. He was lucky to get the haemorrhage in his nose. He was admitted to GH and he took medicines permanently thereafter.

I was worried as anger was born with me. Friends did not stay for long. How to lead a happy married life? I needed a change in my attitude. I remember how I lost my first job. I just told my boss to mind his business when he poked his nose in my business.

I knew Agasthiar temple in T.Nagar. I never had the habit of visiting temples. That evening, I went to that temple. It was so nice, calm, and peaceful. There was our family deity, Sri Valli DevaSena Subramanya Swami, and a VILVAM tree near the entrance.

I prayed and finally sat under the Vilvam tree. I was so overwhelmed and decided to visit the temple daily to pray.  I took a wow that, I shall do so for one year without break and if successful, I shall visit Tirupathi and tonsure my head as my offering.

Whether it was rain or shine, I never missed visiting. I missed cinemas, friends, beaches, etc to fulfil my wow. I sat under the Vilvam tree and chanted Gayathri Mantra 108 times. Chanting the mantra I concentrated on the Lord. I started controlling myself.

I read Paramacharya's "Deivathin Kural", Swami Parthasarathy's "Vedanta Treatise", Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" and "How to stop worrying and start living.", Norman Vincent Peele's "The power of positive thinking."

I learned to question and to find fault with myself. I looked at things from others' perspectives. I realized that others were also correct in their views. Everyone was right in his justification. Arguments did not win hearts. I learned to accept and adjust to others.

I could feel the change in me. It would take time to become pious. God will show the way. To shun anger is not that easy. One has to sincerely try and you will succeed. After one year, I did not forget to visit Tirupathi Hills.

I followed four mantras to control anger. 1. Talk consciously. 2. Do not argue. 3. Do not advise unless asked for. 4. Stop at the Lakshman Rekha. My anger had gone. My hair had gone. Both to the Lord.  MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

HOW DID I LEARN ENGLISH ?

Hi friends,

Every language has its own beauty. English weaves MAGIC in 26 letters. I wish to share my experiences of how I learned this wonderful language. When I was 13, I was very poor in English. My father sent me to my grandparents at Tiruchy for better education. I was admitted in 9th std in E.R. High School. I was staying with my grandparents in a village 8 km from Tiruchy. I was traveling daily by train to reach school and return.

I was in the IX Form-F section. The English teacher was Mr.V.Srinivasan, fondly called "VS". He was about 50+, short, bulky, and fair. You could always see the "sandal paste" on his forehead. He wore Jibba and Panja Ketcham. We lived in the same street and traveled by the same train. He used to tell stories to the boys during the journey. He was a voracious reader. I had seen him reading books even at midnight.

On the first day, he asked me questions in English Grammar that I could not answer. As punishment, I had to stand up on the bench. Then it became a daily routine. Then, I was asked to stand at the entrance of the class. It was a pathetic experience. I dreaded English classes. I was ashamed to be in the class. That school was a top-ranking one and the teacher was a genius.

I did not want to go to school. I could not do any homework from Wren & Martin, the Bible for English. One day, I went to the staff room to meet VS. I started crying before him. He held me close and passionately asked me what was the matter. I told him, "Sir, I feel very bad. I get good marks in all subjects except English. Grammar is my weakness. Please teach me and do not humiliate me"

He asked me to meet him after school at 4 pm. There was a train at 4-30 pm and at 5-30 pm. Normally, I took the first train so that I could go home and play. I walked the entire market along with him. On the way, he bought books, provisions, vegetables, medicines, etc. I had to carry all items. It took an hour to reach the station and another hour to reach home.

He taught me all topics from Wren & Martin, commencing from alphabet, consonant, vowel, word, sentence, subject, predicate, object, verb, noun, pronoun, adverb, adjective, gerund, clauses, tenses, active/passive voices, direct/indirect speech, punctuation, precis, comprehension, letter/essay writing, synonyms, antonyms, usage, etc on the entire route. He gave homework and asked questions.

Literally, I learned English on the streets and not in school. Every shop stood as a witness. He taught me due to his love for English and for the children. He never accepted any money. If I am able to read, write, and speak a few lines in English, it is because of the GREAT  "VS".