WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?

Hi, friends,

There are four divisions in the ruling of the country. They are:

1.The Legislature makes the law

2.The Administration executes the law

3.The Judiciary supervises the execution of the law.

4.The Media is the watchdog.

The general public is employed in every one of the above as well as they are outside also. If everyone attends to their business and allows the system to run as per law then there will be smooth functioning of the system and there will be NO corruption. 70 years ago it was like that and there was no black money.

Generally, Judiciary and Media are considered to be corrupt-free. Only the legislature and administration are considered to be corrupt. The administration is the major source of corruption helped by the legislature. Both of them go hand in glove.

1. The general public, when they want to get anything to be done early by the govt. without waiting for the normal time, they bribe the administrator. There enters cancer called corruption. By getting it done early they could make more money.

2. The general public consists of rich/poor, educated/uneducated, employed/unemployed, business/nonbusiness, professional/nonprofessional. Their income varies from person to person. If they consider what they earn/get is what they DESERVE then there is no problem. They will work hard to earn more.

Instead, they want to LIVE THE LIFE of the more fortunate. There enters cancer. They need more money and they become GREEDY. They want to make easy money and corruption grows.

If the general public [ you and I ] lead a perfectly normal life within our income as advised by our forefathers there will not be any corruption in our country.  MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

MOTHER OR WIFE?

Hi friends,

For some people, the mother is important. For some, the wife is important. For some, both are important. Funny things happen in our life. We remember some and we forget most of them. An interesting incident happened in our family when I was just ten and my father was 39.

My father had lost his father when he was 11. He was brought up by his mother. She had six children of whom my father was the last. She was very strict, orthodox, tonsured her head after the death of her husband, wore only a white saree, did pooja and Japam daily. 

No one should physically touch her until she finished her daily rituals. My father had a lot of love, affection, respect, and regard for his mother. To make her happy was one of his ambitions in life. He never failed to do anything to please her.

Taking this to her advantage, my grandmother used to complain about everyone in the family who did not dance to her tunes and got punishment for them. My father never ate anything outside and when he returned home from the office he was hungry as well as angry. 

The grandmother complained only about his return from the office so that the punishment was severe. One day my mother became the victim. When the grandmother complained about her, my father got furious, took a stick, held my mother at her wrist, pulled her inside the bedroom, closed the doors, and started thrashing her. 

All the children were bewildered and cursed the grandmother. My mother was screaming inside the bedroom and my father was shouting furiously. After some time, both of them came out. My mother quietly went inside the kitchen and my father threw the stick on the floor and sat on the sofa looking tired. 

At that time, you know what my grandmother said, "Dey Nana if you hit the pillow hard it would tear away. I know this trick. Your father had done this to me so many times. You can't fool me around". My father was both a devoted son as well as a loving husband.

THE DIFFICULTIES IN WRITING

Hi friends,

Please take a piece of paper and try writing a few lines in any language on your own. Then only you will understand the difficulties in writing. It is not as easy as everyone thinks. A lot of effort is to be put in to be a successful writer. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.

To begin with, I have to arrive at a concept that is of interest to the reader. It may take time. I have to think until the plot germinates. Then I develop it into a write-up in my mind. I start typing the draft. The words must flow. I am not an expert in typing. It takes time. My eyesight is also failing.

The real work begins only after the draft is ready. First, I have to look at the narration. The narration should flow in order. Then paraphrasing. It should be divided into paragraphs for the reader to find it easy while reading. Then I have to design the passage. ie shortening or lengthening wherever it is necessary.

Then comes the grammar. If it is grammatically wrong the reader may not appreciate it. Usage of the language is more important. Proper words should be used in proper places. The beauty of the language lies in the usage of words. Using bombastic words may not win the reader. A simple language is always liked.

After attending to all these aspects, the draft is checked for spelling mistakes. Then the first copy is run. It is checked again and again. A good writer will always find corrections to be made every time. He won't be satisfied. That is the beauty of writing. He never gets satisfied with his own work and feels it can still be improved.

It also gives more insights into a better understanding of the language, A writer should also be a good reader. Grammar, vocabulary, sentence formation, sequential flow of ideas, analysis of target readers, and holding on to the concepts are some of the aspects that play a key role in making a good article.

Writing an article is like delivering a baby. For a short article, it takes about three hours. For a longer one, it takes about 6 to 7 hours. For writing a book it takes months. A writer suffers a lot to bring out his product. I am not a professional writer. I scribble something​ ​that occurs to my mind​,​ not with any intention of educating others. I am a novice and I write ​as a pastime.

You are welcome to read my articles and post your​ ​comments, of course​ ​without any disrespectful remarks. With your blessings and support, I am able to reach this level. Therefore, I request your support by "liking" and "sharing" my articles with your friends. Otherwise, I have no other alternative but to stop writing. Thank you all once again. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

YOUR CHILD MAKES YOU HAPPY

Hi friends,

Only the children make their parents.  They are created by God. They are innocent, timid, immature, friendly, and adorable. Children will remove all our stress. Everyone has a way to bring up his child. The child has to grow physically, mentally, and intellectually. It will take time and you will have to be patient. Once you are successful in bringing up your child on the right track, you will be happy forever.

1. NO BEATING THE KIDS: If you beat your child for their mistakes you are not human. It will only develop a revenge attitude in the child and wait for the opportune time to give it back to you. Once it grows stronger than you, it will start beating you. Much lower-level parents are suffering due to this.

2. TALK TO THEM: The secret lies in the way how you talk to your kids. The children take everything literally and the way you talk to them goes a long way in building their personalities. As a parent, sometimes we say things that we don't really mean, but the damage has already been done.

3. YOU ARE A BAD CHILD: Negative talks kill self-esteem. They are innocent and believe in goodness. Tell them to be good. Explain what is bad and how it hurts others. Tell them that they are the best and they will love you and will never let you down. Teach them right and wrong and to value good things.

4. SAY NO TO "NO": No is rejection. It is too harsh. They don't expect it from you. They lose confidence in you. Instead of saying a blunt no give them options to choose. Put it in pleasant words to make them understand and love you. At the same time, it is your responsibility to see that they are not spoiled.

5. DON'T TALK TO ME: Most people think that the child will obey if they say "don't talk to me" You are only closing the communication. You are not educating them. They are not grown-ups like you. Allow them to share with you. Tell them the importance. Convince with your words, tone and actions. Keep talking till they buy your point. You may keep a sad face and they will come to you.

6. NO COMPARISON: Never compare with others especially with another brother or sister or friend. This will never give any positive result. They only become jealous and start disliking the sibling. They feel dejected and lose confidence in themselves.

7. LEAVE ME ALONE: You may be busy. But the kid won't understand it. He may like your company and to be with you. You are everything to your child. Never ask them to leave you. Be patient and explain to them how you are busy and when you will be free. Share with them and make them understand that you are busy and how important it is for you.

8. I DON'T LIKE YOU: A child is not born as a problem child. They are replica of the parents. They learn maximum from you. They also learn from family, friends, and surroundings. If the children are problematic blame yourself. For problematic children, parents should be more patient and understanding.

9. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS": This is pure discouragement. Some children may like to do something but they may not be able to do it. It may be due to physical or intellectual inability. Just give them more chances. Or you may even join with them and do it together until they are capable of doing it by themselves. Otherwise, they will never take the initiative.

10. ONLY GIRLS/BOYS DO THAT: This is gender bias. Anyone can do anything. They are only learning. Do not stop them from exploring things. If a boy likes to help his mother to cut vegetables encourage him. Similarly for girls. Knowledge is important and that is real growth. Otherwise, it is only physical growth that is of no value in life.

11. I WILL REPORT TO DADDY:  It instills anxiety and fear in the child. It shows you are incapable of handling the situation. The kid might have done something unintentionally or irresponsibly. If you want to report to your spouse, ask the kid about his opinion and if he is willing to go with you, do not threaten him by referring to daddy. The point is, the kid should understand his mistake.

12. ONLY KIDS DO THIS: Your child may be a grown-up one. Out of enthusiasm, he may do something. Don't say that only kids do it and not grown-ups like you. Please understand he gets some pleasure out of it. You may even join him. If he jumps with joy for something, instead of chiding him, you may also join with him and jump.

13. MORE CARE FOR THE GIRL: The girls are different anatomically, physically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally, and psychologically. At the opportune time, it is for her mother [and not the father] to teach her the nuances of living the life of a girl. There is no point in repenting later.

14. FINAL POINT: Many people are praying to God to give them a child. You are the blessed one. You must view the child, not as an adult. The ultimate goal is not in its intellectual brilliance. It is how much the child loves you, adores you, likes to be with you. You must make the child love you till your end. That is a success.

COMMENTS

Vijayalakshmi B	5:08 PM (14 hours ago)
to me

The article is nice. I think you can publish it.  In modern days, most of the young parents follow most of the things mentioned by you. 

But they may also have different opinions, beliefs, and their own practice, in their day-to-day life,on certain situations.. If they want, they may pick up something from yours if they believe in it, and it may help them.

Viji

Gowri Ramkumar	8:53 AM (1 hour ago)
to me

Dear Mama,

Thanks for sharing.

The points are all good.  Most parents of today are overly protective and over-attentive to their kids.  They don't want to hurt the kids in any way and give the kids everything they want even before they ask.  

Nevertheless, all the points are good.  

I will also take some of the points that you mention and will incorporate in my life as well.

Lots of love,

Gowri

Vidya Anand	11:09 AM (31 minutes ago)
to me

Dear Mama,

The article is a very informative and practical approach to bringing up children.

Though some are difficult to follow...mostly because I am impatient...I will try to do most of it. Many a time I resolve to change myself but it lasts for a short while.

Thanks for sharing it with me. You should probably pick a nice topic, write a book and get it published.

Hope your tummy is OK nowadays

Warm regards to Manni, Surya Anu, and love to Sahara

Yours affectionately,

Vidhu

INTERNSHIP WITH THE INTERNET.

Hi friends,

The Internet has a far-reaching effect on ​daily ​life. At the click of the mouse, one can find ​an​ answer. There is no need to go to the library and refer to books. I learned ​to use ​it myself on my laptop. I wish to share with you how I overcome a physical ailment using the Internet.

​In Chennai, I had​ family doctors. ​In​ Hyderabad, I do not know doctors and also Telugu. I can only go to hospitals. But ​they make me​  undergo various tests costing thousands.  Recently, I spent 4000/ for cold. As I am likely to get ailments due to old age, I decided to refer to the Internet as a trial and for first aid.

For the past 2 to 3 months my stomach has ​become sensitive​. I suffer from indigestion, sulfur burp, bloating, diarrhea, etc. ​It occurs mostly in the night affecting sleep. All home remedies have no effect. I have lost weight also. My digestive system is affected and I do not know what to do. 

I cannot travel, visit people, attend functions, go out with children, eat outside food, and I have to confine myself at home and be content with curd rice. It is very difficult to control oneself when others are enjoying it. They sympathized with me but they cannot ​forego​ food for me.   

I decided to check with the Internet ​for​ a remedy. Our digestive system is controlled by ​bacteria​. The good bacteria help in digestion and the bad ​one ​creates problems. ​The good bacteria control the bad ones to maintain health. Taking antibiotics, destroy the good bacteria ​and ​allow the bad ones to create health issues.

Probiotics contain good bacteria. I took one daily for 10 days. ​W​hen the good bacteria travels through the stomach, half of them get killed due to acidity. Only the rest reaches the colon for digestion

Prebiotics are a better alternative to probiotics. They contain indigestible fibers and helps good bacteria to grow. It withstands the acidity in the stomach. I took one daily for ten days. Digestion improved, diarrhea stopped, bloating disappeared. I develop a hunger and I​ eat​​ better. 

​I request ​doctors not ​to ​mistake me. It is not my intention to bypass them or ignore them. It is only​  learning from the Internet since it is a minor problem. In the case of serious ailments connected with vital organs, I shall not hesitate to go to a doctor​. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

OUR FAMILY SONG

Hi friends,

You would have heard about the family doctor. Have you heard about a family song? We have a song in our family. We have sung this song for 2 generations. It is a special song. It was nearly 40 years back, in 1976,  when my daughter was born I was on cloud nine. I sang this song to make her sleep. I did not know how to sing then.

Holding her affectionately in both my arms, close to my chest, rocking her comfortably, and making an elephant walk across the room, staring pointedly at her eyes sensing her getting into sleep was a wonderful experience. You get it once in a lifetime.

Somehow I managed because I wanted my daughter to sleep. Though people used to make fun of me, my only concern was my daughter should sleep. I was happy my daughter slept. She did not object to my singing. My wife, who was a good singer also did not object. Then why bother? I was in full flow.

Four years later, in 1980, when my son was born, I sang the same song to make him sleep. He also slept well without any objection to my singing this song. Then 19 years later, in 1999, when my first grandson was born, I sang the same song. He also slept well without showing any disliking. 

Then 5 years later, in 2004, I sang the same song when my second grandson was born. No objection from him also. Then 4 years later, in 2008, I sang the same song when my granddaughter was born. She also did not have any objection.

Five different children at five different times had accepted and loved this song and that too from a nonsinger [novice]. That shows the quality of the song for its lyrics and music lasting 40 years. Hats off to MSV. My wholehearted thanks to him for helping me to make my children sleep. I still have nostalgia for this song. Do you want to listen? Here it is. Enjoy

Actually, he learned this song from his mother

OH, MY HEAD ESCAPED THE AXE

Hi friends,

In 2016, We decided to settle with our son in Hyderabad. We have a house in Chennai. We decided to sell the house and buy another one in Hyderabad. But black money is demanded both at the buying and selling ends. I do not want to lose peace of mind at my old age. I stood firmly rejecting the black money. MY HEAD ESCAPED THE AXE in the demonetization.

Black money is hidden in the form of currency, bullion, jewels, stocks, Benami holding, deposits in foreign banks, etc. The income tax department has to unearth the black money. Demonetization will not totally eradicate black money. It may help in bringing out black money held in the high denomination. 

In Jan 1946, currency notes 1000 and 10000 were withdrawn. In 1954, new notes 1000, 5000, and 10000 were introduced. In Jan 1978, notes of 1000, 5000, and 10000 were demonetized. Now in Nov 2016, there is demonetization. What is the effect? Are we free from black money? No, it is growing every day.

Previously only the super-rich was holding black money. Now everyone is having it. To help them, there are legal experts, chartered accountants, auditors, etc. who can interpret ten meanings for one sentence in the law. For strict enforcement, more staff, more salary, and more taxes will affect the poor.

We have lost our cultural and moral values. Chaos, anarchy, lawlessness, violence, corruption, black money, rape are the order of the day. People are greedy. A rickshaw wallah wants Levy jeans. Another wants BMW. A housewife wants a costly I-phone. Greed originates from the rich and passes on to the poor.

Everyone has a duty and responsibility to the nation and is expected to do it voluntarily. We should claim our rights only after performing our duties. When people fail to do their duty, black money generates. If all citizens pay their taxes voluntarily and lead a perfect life, there will be no black money.

PARAMACHARYA, our guru, had advocated that the rich should lead a simple life. There is a 10% growth in necessities and a 90% growth in luxuries. Our motto should be to go for the necessities, avoid the comforts, and forget the luxuries. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

THE VICIOUS CYCLE

Hi friends,

It was about 7-30 PM. The father parked his car and entered the house after returning from the office. He removed his shoes, kept the briefcase in his room, went to the restroom, had a french bath, and returned to the dining. He looked very tired. His wife brought him hot coffee. He normally did not take any tiffin after 6 PM as it would affect his dinner at 8 PM.

His son, who was studying in 8th standard slowly entered the living room where his father was sitting. He was hesitating to go near his father. He was pale, scared, and bewildered. Seeing his son reluctant to come near him, he called him passionately to come close to him. He has so much love for the kid.

The son stood his ground and did not move. The mother came and lovingly asked the son what was the matter. She took him near the father. When the father asked him what was the matter, the son slowly stretched his progress report for his signature. The father saw the marks which were all in single digits. 

His wife was speechless on seeing the marks. He became furious and brought the cane to thrash him all over. Knowing her husband was short-tempered, she stood in between them. His heart was broken to pieces and the thought of the huge money spent on his school fees etc. further broke him down. 

The father stood spellbound for a few minutes, then dropped the cane and rushed to the front room where his father was bedridden due to old age and was recuperating. He stood there in silence staring at his father for a few minutes and then suddenly fell flat over his father's feet and started crying uncontrollably.

Just then, he remembered how his father talked to him patiently, with loving and passionate words, when he scored poor marks in his 8th std and motivated him to score more marks. The old man was now surprised why his son was crying before him. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

GOD CAME IN PERSON TO HELP ME !!!

Hi friends,

When a person receives something good, he is on cloud nine. When he meets with a misfortune, he feels he has lost everything. To take both success and failure equally, one must have an equilibrium of mind. One must believe that God will rescue him at the proper place and at the proper time.

I worked in a company in the southern part of Tamil Nadu for 8 years from 1984 to 1992. ​I was looking for better prospects. I got an offer from a company in Hyderabad. I accepted the offer and resigned from my job. We packed and sent all household items to Hyderabad. 

As my daughter was in 11th std, I wanted to leave her under the care of my brother in Chennai. After my brother agreed, I met Mr. Dhavan, Secretary of Punjab Association who were running many schools in Chennai including the one at Anna Nagar. He was known to me.

I got a letter from him and went to Anna Adarsh school for women and met the principal Ms. Bhat. She was surprised to see me asking for admission in 11th std in Feb when the school was about to be closed for summer vacation. She refused to give admission and also informed Mr.Dhavan about her inability.

I was in a great dilemma. I did not know what to do. I could not take my daughter to Hyderabad since the syllabus was different. She would not be able to manage. I wanted to meet Mr. Dhavan to try again. I prayed to God to help me to overcome this tight corner. 

While I was walking on the platform, I met my friend Mr.Koteeswaran. After formal inquiries, I explained to him everything and the problem I was facing in the admission of my daughter. He told me not to worry and to meet him at his house early morning the next day without giving me any detail. 

I went to his house the next day at 7 AM. He took me to another house nearby. He knocked at the door and it was opened after a few minutes. A fair middle-aged lady dressed in a nightie opened the door. She welcomed us warmly and talked to Koti in a friendly way. 

Koti introduced me and explained my difficulties to her. He also told her that I would miss a great career if I did not admit my daughter in the school.  She took her visiting card and wrote on the reverse side giving instruction to Ms. Bhat. She said there would be no problem. We thanked her and left the place. 

I took my daughter and met Ms. Bhat. I gave her the visiting card. After seeing the card,  she stood up and exclaimed "Incredible, why didn't you tell me you knew her". Immediately, she gave admission to my daughter. God came to help me in the guise of the Director of Public Instruction !!!  MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

WE REAP WHAT WE SOW

Hi friends,

In 1983, when I was 38, I was working in the Export sales Dept. of a leading textile company in Chennai. There were about 40 to 45 people. The dept was divided into 7 or 8 sections and each section had 4 or 5 people. I had worked in every section spanning about 17 years.

Mr.Koteeswaran was my senior. One day, he asked me for a loan of Rs.200/. I was surprised because it was the salary day. When I asked him the reason, he said he had repaid his entire salary towards the loans received during the previous month.

In other words, he was simply living on loans. He was not well-to-do. He had three kids. He told me that one Mr. Sreeram was giving loans repayable on the next payday for interest at the rate of Rs.5 per 100. I thought it was very high. I sympathized with him and gave him the money.

I wanted to help a suffering man. I lent him Rs.1200 to clear all his loans and to repay me at 100 per month in 12 months without any interest and on one condition, that he should never take any loan thereafter. He agreed and thanked me.

When I told my father about this, he said, if you love friendship, forget the money. If you love the money, forget the friendship. I believed in friendship. Meanwhile, I wanted to discuss the matter with Mr. Sreeram to reduce the interest rate. He was about 58 nearing retirement.

I met him in the lunchroom. I told him he was charging 60% as interest as against the prevailing rate of 12%. I suggested, he could charge Rs 2 per Rs.100 instead of Rs 5. He shouted at me in filthy language, dragging my parents also in between. 

I was shocked by his rebuttal and all the people were looking at me. I could not stoop to his level and shout at him back. I left the dining hall in disgrace. I could not further concentrate on my work and I was cursing myself for having gone to him.

Months passed. I always forget and forgive. That is my nature. I do not grudge. I do not like taking revenge. I leave it to God to decide. I can do only good for others. I firmly believe "what we sow we will reap". We can not escape this rule of Nature.

After some time, on a rainy day, I saw Mr. Sreeram washing his feet in a puddle of rainwater on the road to remove dirt. Forgetting the past, I asked him why he was washing in dirty water? and he could wash in good water in the office.

Unfortunately, he did not forget the past and again shouted at me using bad language. He told me to mind my business and that he knew how to take care of himself. After about 15 days, I found eczema-like patches on his left foot.

Again out of sympathy, I suggested a dermatologist known to me. He again shouted at me in the same language. After a few weeks, since the wound became septic, his left leg at the knee was amputated and he retired from service simultaneously.

Then I left the job and went to a different place for a better job. After a year, I came to Chennai on official duty. I met my friend Koti accidentally in Parrys corner. As usual, we had tiffin at Krishna Lunch Home. After the tiffin, he bought 3 bananas. He gave me one.

He gave another banana to a beggar with a 5 rupee note. I told him the amount was too much for a suffering man like him. I was shocked, stunned, and became speechless when I  heard his reply. He said he would not have given 5 rupees if it was not for Mr.Sreeram. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

GOD BLESS THIS COUNTRY

Hi friends,

Gandhiji advocated boycotting foreign goods to revitalize the Indian economy. But we are using many foreign items in our daily life which are produced with foreign technology. It looks as if we lack technology. This is the negative effect of liberalization. Instead of competing with foreign goods, people madly went for it.

In the US, in malls like IKEA, Walmart, etc. I find products from small countries like Cambodia, Vietnam, Africa, Thailand, etc. ​ ​Only in shops run by Indians, home food products are sold and only Indians buy them. ​Indian products are not sold due to poor quality and high prices. ​

If our products are exported, we get foreign exchange. Our products should be competitive in quality and price. The quality of our product should ​be of​ high standards. Our products should be sold throughout the world. To achieve this, Our technology should improve through education.

In India, only IIT, IIM, NIT, and IISc are ​good in education​. In the US, Stanford, Harvard, and many Universities are of a high standard. We should also improve and reach their level. There is no reservation in education in the US. Merit alone counts. Govt. schools are of a high standard and ​are ​free.

Life-style, education, research, technology, cleanliness, discipline, good roads, obeying traffic rules, respecting elders, minding one's business, privacy, women's empowerment, work ethics, hero-worshiping, gossip-mongering, dress code, obeying queue are the areas we have to learn from them.

Like our Aadhaar, they have a Social Security Number. It contains every detail of the citizen. There are grades and people try to reach better grades to get Govt. benefits. Even a small mistake in driving is entered in the SSN and the grade is affected. Our Aadhaar should also be designed on similar lines.

The present generation has 4 difficult tasks. 1. To own a house. 2. To educate their children 3. Medical expenses of four parents. 4. To invest towards their retired life. To provide for these expenses, one has to save about 5 crores in 25 years @ 20 lakhs per annum or 2 lakhs per month. One has to sacrifice a lot to go up in life.

I am 72. I read books. I wear cotton white dhoti, half shirt, and innerwear. I don't smoke or drink alcohol. I don't see TV or worship cinema heroes or talk gossip. I live for my children. I am a responsible father, husband, and citizen. Honesty, hard work, good education, better roads, thrift in spending, corruption less are the need of the hour. GOD BLESS THIS GREAT COUNTRY.

.

MY GRANNY TOLD THIS STORY

.Hi friends,

When I was 6 or 7 years old, my grandmother used to tell me a lot of stories and my grandfather used to teach me maths and other subjects. This is one of the stories she told me. It belonged to her time and it may not be relevant now. However, I reproduce it for fun.

Five brothers lived jointly with their mother. They loved their mother deeply. But her DILs did not show any affection because the old lady who had many jewels did not give anything to them. She was wearing all the jewels and never allowed anyone to touch them. They were all waiting for her death so that they could get their share.

One day the old lady fell sick. The DILs were expecting the inevitable. They were also praying to God. The doctor gave medicines. Her condition was improving one day and was deteriorating the other day. Things were not going as expected by the DILs.

The eldest DIL was clever and bold, She hatched a plan to kill the sick lady. One night, she went into the MIL's room. She took a hand pounder [ used for pounding millets] [ Ulakkai in Tamil } that was kept in the corner of the room, hit the MIL hard on her chest, and went away.

The lady did not die but was crying in pain. Hearing her cries, all brothers and DILs,  came into the room and stood around her, and asked what had happened?. The eldest DIL was in a great dilemma. she was afraid of the truth came out, she would be handed over to the police. She was clueless.

To her luck, the old lady could not speak. Due to the pain, she was only crying. To indicate that she was hit by the DIL, she alternately pointed out first to the hand pounder, then to her chest, and then to the eldest DIL. Nobody could understand anything from her gestures. At that time, the eldest DIL shrewdly interpreted and told them,

" MOTHER SAYS "THE HAND POUNDER, AND THE JEWELS ON HER NECK ARE TO BE GIVEN TO ME"  TAMIL MEANING "சாத்துன உலக்கையும் கழுத்து நகையும் மூத்த மருமகளுக்கு அப்படின்னு சொல்றாங்க". HOW SHREWD IS SHE?.

HOW TO CONDUCT A WEDDING ?

The parents are an institution and inspiration. Their children learn from them. Among their many duties, getting their children married, conducting the wedding efficiently are some of the traits they have to perform in life. I wish to share the nuances of conducting a wedding.

Marriage is the union of man and woman and the wedding is the celebration. While the couple plans their future, the parents worry about the happiness of the couple. One may celebrate the wedding lavishly but the marriage should not be a failure. Then it is a waste of time, energy, and expenditure.

Love marriage was rare once. The women had to obey their parents. The parents would be heartbroken if the marriage failed. So they advised their daughters to adjust with the husband and his people. The women lived without the right to demand or to express their feelings.

Later, people reduced their children and educated them. The girls studied well. Their liberation movement arrived and the men also understood their feeling. They started supporting them. The parents became submissive and listened to their daughters. The women took an equal share in everything.

Due to better education, career, and other reasons, women tend to delay their marriage. Most of the girls, as well as their parents, are not aware of DOWN'S SYNDROME. It deals with getting mentally retarded children if the girl's marriage or pregnancy is delayed. The more the delay, the more the possibility. It is caused only by the girl and not the boy.

Hence the concept of marriage has become more complex. In arranged marriages, the parents have to look at various aspects. Love marriages can be encouraged only if they conform to the following criteria. The important points to be considered for fixing up an alliance in BOTH cases are:

1. Both should belong to the same community to get the acceptance and blessings of the elders.  

2. The boy should be equally or slightly better qualified than the girl for intellectual balance. 

3. The boy should be 3 to 5 years older than the girl for mental maturity. 

4. If both work, then the boy should earn more than the girl to avoid ego.  

5. The boy should have the backing of his family to meet any eventuality in life.

6. It is advisable if one is emotional the other should be intellectual.

7. The willingness of the boy and girl is more important as they are going to live their life.

Paramacharya advocated that marriages should be conducted in a simple way without a dowry. The money can be gifted to the girl for her safety in the future.  You can feed the poor. Some take a loan and it takes time to clear the debts. Some prefer their daughter to earn for her marriage. The more the number of invitees, the more the expenses.

A family function is an occasion when you recognize close people who came forward to wipe your tears when you were in distress. It is better to share Rs.1000 among 10 people at Rs100 each instead of 100 people at Rs10 each. We should try to give 70% of the total expenses as gifts.

Only important and close people should be invited. Everyone is not a relative or friend. Only people with blood relations are relatives and only people in whose family we have dined mutually are our friends. When invitees are reduced, the expenditure drastically comes down. The following is a thumb rule for finalizing the invitees. 

1. Their parents. 

2. Their brothers and sisters

3. Their Sambandhis if any.

4. Their close friends. 

5. The married cousins and close friends of the person getting married. 

6. Neighbours. 

[friends and neighbours should be invited only for the wedding day]

The total may come to 60 or 70. To print 100 invitations is enough. There should be no dowry as the girls are eligible for an equal share in the property. A wedding may be conducted in one's house or in a temple or in a small hall. The food should be simple, tasty, and traditional. Too many items lead to more expenditure, wastage, and ill-health.

Both parents should cooperate. The boy's father should not invite anyone on the road and make the girl's father pay through his nose. He should have self-respect and should not demand anything. He should realize that it is also the wedding of his son. If such an attitude prevailed, there will be happiness everywhere.

After the wedding is over, the couple should go to the nearby marriage Registrar's office and register the marriage. The registrar will then issue a marriage certificate. Only this certificate will safeguard the legal interest of the couple in case of any future problems. I am sure most of the people who read this may not agree with my views. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.