ALL EXIT DOORS ARE CLOSED

Hi friends,

It is prudent to search for exit doors when it is dark. But I am searching for them in the daylight and I do not find any of them to escape. For my age, I don't find any other way out. I welcome suggestions.

1. I had a lot of interest in reading. Of late, I don't have the same interest as before. I find all the authors are grinding the same flour. Everyone has his own style and I am fed up with it. If I think of reading spiritual books, it is of no use as I firmly believe that renunciation and Bakthi are the two most important things needed for realization which are very difficult to achieve. Finally, failing eyesight is another reason for not preferring books.

2. Next comes writing articles. I have so far written 460 articles and 1600 snippets. A writer writes only on imagination. No one can write endlessly. There comes a time when imagination dries out and he does not get new ideas. His writings become stale. That is the saturation point. He has to live on the glory of his past writings. I am not a great writer. I write only for the pleasure of it. I do not write on social issues. All my articles are mostly based on my life experiences. In addition, my eyesight has become very poor.

3. Then it is the Internet. I used to spend time seeing classical movies. I have lost count of the movies I have seen so far. It covers Tamil, Telugu, Malayalam, Hindi, English, French, Japanese, Korean, Russian of different genres with subtitles. Other movies are not my cup of tea since they beat around the same bush. The hero and the heroine finally unite together after a series of fights, love songs, worthless comedy and unbelievable heroics which I am fed up with.

4. Next is music. I love Carnatic and melodious film songs. But here my hearing problem arises. Since I am 90% hearing impaired, I have to use the earplugs often to listen to music to some extent. It is irritating to the ear leading to a headache. Instead, I would prefer to hum the songs myself when I am alone which is more enjoyable.

5. Then it is Gmail and FaceBook. No one uses Gmail. It is almost dead now. I don't fancy Whatsapp etc as I do not have an I-phone and I do not know its techniques. In facebook, it is difficult to read all postings due to poor eyesight and the speed at which it moves. All the postings, excepting a few, are only about Gods, family photos, politics, religion, cinema, and other items which are routinely posted and are of no interest to me.

6. Next is going on tours. I like going on pilgrimage, visiting places, friends and relatives. But they are busy with their own agenda. Visiting temples is another option. But my health does not permit me as I cannot travel long distance continuously. Also, outside food other than Idly does not suit my health. So staying and eating in the hotel is ruled out.

So all exit doors are closed for me. It is totally dark inside. There is no way out. I have lived my life for 72 glorious years and I do not know how long it will further prolong. I am keeping my fingers crossed. To spend the time is killing. God does not show any mercy on this poor soul. I am only waiting for the D day and I do not know when it will arrive. MAY GOD BLESS ME.