A GOOD DAUGHTER IN LAW / SON IN LAW

Hi friends, 

I am going to write here, about the good qualities a daughter in law should possess since she only goes to another family to live the rest of her life. I have also written below about the good qualities a son-in-law should possess.

It is just like taking up a new job. As she qualifies herself for a new job, in life also, she must acquire certain basic qualifications to impress upon the new family so that everyone appreciates her and welcomes her into the family with open arms. It only enhances her importance.

A few months back, one of my very close relatives had expired. I could not attend the funeral despite best efforts to get the ticket. I could make it only for the 10 to 13th-day ceremonies. Everything went on well and on the last day I was sitting in the lawn watching the final rituals

A 9-month pregnant lady came and sat beside me. She was beautiful, intelligent and cheerful. A four-year-old boy was caressing her belly. I had a lot of concern for pregnant women. I inquired about her health. It was her second. The first was normal delivery. She was not scared.

A middle-aged woman, her escort, was all praise for her. She said she was, her daughter in law, a very talented girl and a woman for all seasons and she knew everything from pin to the pumpkin. There is nothing that she did not know. Finally, she declared that she was a Sakalakalavalli.

I told her a Sakalakalavalli should possess ten qualities, four character-based and six performance-based. When she further inquired, I told her the following ten points and advised her to decide whether her daughter in law possessed all the ten to make her a Sakalakalavalli.

1. She should not long to go to her parent's house. [implying she is so much attached to the new family].  

2. She should not talk in high esteem about her parents family. 

3. She should not argue on any account. 

4. She should love her husband to the core and not only on the salary day. 

5. She must know singing especially Carnatic music. 

6. She should be a good cook. 

7. She must keep the house neat and tidy. 

8. She should spend judiciously and not extravagantly. 

9. She should attend to the needs of her in-laws on time. 

10. Everyday evening,  she should light the lamp before the Lord and do pranam to the elders. 

She left the place without uttering another word. Here are the qualities of a good son in law.

1. The husband and his parents should send the girl to her parent's house even before her asking.

2. If the husband and his parents talk in high esteem about her parents she will be happy.

3. If the husband agrees to her reasonable views, she will not argue. The husband can suitably convince if her views are different.

4. A girl not loving the husband is rare. The husband also should reciprocate her love.

5. Normally some men give too much importance to the mother and ignore the wife. Both are important to him.

6. The husband should share with her in kitchen work if she also works. He should not criticize her cooking.

7. Keeping the house neat and tidy is hygienic. The husband should do it wherever she is not able to do like cleaning the fan etc.

8. The husband should disclose financial details to the wife. Girls should know all the details about investments, insurance, etc. All investments should be in joint name. It is teamwork.

9. The husband should also take care of her parents as he expects her to take care of his parents.

10. There should be clear cut understanding and agreement about finance. I have suggested below a formula which can be followed. 

Formula if both husband wife are employed: 

1. They can take an agreed amount as their pocket expense from their income.

2. All family expenses should be accounted and shared by them in the proportion of their income.

3. They are free to spend the balance amount as they please.

4. The final balance amount should be invested in their respective name as joint account.