PART 3 [NEXT 24 YEARS FROM 1992 TO 2016]
God has different plans. Nobody knows it. When a person receives something good, his joy knew no bounds. He jumps from sky to earth. When he meets with a misfortune, he loses his cool. He gets dejected. He feels he has lost everything. He concludes there is no future for him. To take both success and failure equally, one must have equilibrium of mind. It is rare to see a person like that. I was so sad. Both myself and my wife did not sleep that night. Though there was no immediate danger as we had the money given by my father-in-law, it was my wife's money and I had to stand on my own legs.
On the next day, I did not go to office. I talked to my next brother who was working as senior manager in a leading bank. I explained to him the situation and requested him whether he could help me in getting a job at Chennai. He said he would find out and asked me to contact him in the night. When I contacted him, he said, Southern Painters, a proprietary firm, would be willing to hire me. The salary would be around 3000 PM. I thanked him and told him that I would return to Chennai and accept it. He said I was Welcome. I informed Mr.Surana of Hartex that I was unable to continue and was returning to Chennai. He felt sorry and wished me good luck.
I packed my luggage and returned to Chennai. My brother was staying in my house as he has rented out his flat. Since his tenant was unable to vacate the flat, he was also not able to vacate my house. So I had to take another house on rent. I immediately admitted my son in the school. Within two days, I called on the MD, Mr Rajappan, of Southern Painters, and joined duty.They were doing painting works mainly on oil tanks of oil companies like IOC, HPCL, BPCL etc. The staff was mostly on site, and in the office, we were only four. The timing was 9 to 5. The main jobs were writing of accounts, preparation of bills for jobs completed, and follow up for payments.
The job somehow was not to my liking. The person who was writing the accounts did not like me as I had superseded him. They were not doing the job perfectly. The owner's son was troublesome. However, I continued in the job out of necessity. After having worked in corporate offices, working in a small firm did not go well with me. What to do then? It was my fate and I had to endure it. One day when I was leaving the office, the boss called me and gave me a cover containing Rs.5000/. He asked me to handover the cover to a person living in Anna nagar. I knew that person and it was a bribe for him to pass our pending bills. What would happen to me if I was caught by police? Being the son of a father who stood for principles in his life, I returned the cover to him and told him that I was not willing to do such work and I was resigning the job and I would not be coming on the next day. Was I a fool?
I did not know how I gained confidence in life. Is it due to age or experience or the prosperity I had gained or the frustration in life. It may be anything. My daughter finished her 12th std. In the summer vocation, we went to our sister's house in Bangalore. My children and their two daughters were good friends. My brother-in-law was a metallurgical engineer. He was running a small unit manufacturing foundry chemicals. Their life was more interesting than mine. They both were running the unit together. One day, my sister asked me whether I would be interested in joining them. I had to market their product in Coimbatore and collect payment. She offered 2000 PM and 2% commission on sales. I agreed and worked with them for 4 years from 1992 to 1996.
Coimbatore is a nice place in TamilNadu. The weather is good suitable for foundries. The people and hotels are good. It is the major market for foundry products. From small units to big factories there are around 600 units. It is not easy to market your products here. There are as many companies to supply the product. The competition is high. Foceco is the major supplier. People are ready to take their product even if the price is high. They hesitated to take your product even if your quality is better. Because of the competition and availability of many products, to get order is difficult. Other suppliers are ready to wait for payment. So to get payment is also very difficult. In short it is a buyer's market.
Without forgetting my father's words, I admitted my daughter in Engineering. Unlike me, my daughter was good at studies. Meanwhile, I conducted the Upanayanam of my son in 1995. I have written an article on this under the title "WIFE IS YOUR LIFE". During those 4 years with my sister, I was able to further improve upon my financial position and also met my children's educational expenses. I may not be in a better level, if I had continued in Hartex or in DCW. All credit went to my sister. I understood that God had different plans for me. To give me something better, He took away another thing. On the whole, my position was improving. My wife led a simple life without being extravagant and due to her help I could save more. I have written an article in my blog under the caption "A DAUGHTER WANTED TO KILL THE FATHER"
Once again, life was moving smooth in the right track. My daughter had come to the final year BE, and my son had finished his 12 std. Both of them were not lacking in education or in discipline or in giving respect to elders. Whenever I looked at them, I thought how I was in their age. They were far better than me in all aspects. Unlike my father, I was very happy with them. They fulfilled all my dreams as a child, as a student and as a family member. My daughter was 21 and the son was 17. One day, we sat together for discussions. I wanted to get my daughter married. I believed in getting girls married early as it was beneficial to them in all aspects. But my daughter said she would work and support the family till my son finished his studies. If my father was alive, he would have been very much pleased with this answer. I started searching for a suitable alliance for my daughter. I have written an article under the caption "FINDING AN ALLIANCE FOR THE DAUGHTER" expressing my experiences.
In March 1997, the boy's parents came to see my daughter. I always preferred the parents to see the girl first and got satisfied so that the boy could come later. They liked the girl and returned home. On the next day, they telephoned that their son had come and they wanted to come again. They came in the evening and both the boy and the girl met. The boy's name was Kartik and he was a chemical engineer from BITS Pilani and was working in HPCL at Vizag. They liked each other and the betrothal was conducted. The next day he was leaving for Vizag and I sent my daughter to the station to see him off. After sometime he got admission in IIM to do PGDM and they came to my house to discuss about study/wedding. My daughter categorically told them that he should do IIM and for that she was ready to be away from him for two years after the wedding. What a gesture!!!
In 1996, the understanding between me and my brother-in-law came to an end. I was once again jobless and there was no income to the family. However, as a father, I was more interested in her well being. We conducted her wedding on 22nd August 1997, just after her passing the BE. She came second in the University. My son-in-law was also an engineer from BITS Pilani. He did his PGDM in IIM after the wedding. My son finished his 12th std. When I wanted to admit him in BE there was demand for capitation fee. My son rejected my proposal to pay capitation fee and said he would study B.Sc and MCA thereafter. I allowed him to go as per his wish. I have written an article in this connection under the caption "THIS LETTER IS 54 YEARS OLD" While doing his degree, he also did two year GNIIT course in computers. He finished his MCA and went for job in 2001. Meanwhile, I got my first grandson in 1999. My daughter had done her MBA and joined a leading college as lecturer in 2001. Both the son and daughter started supporting me.
At 54, when I got my first grandson Chi Pranav, I was in cloud nine. I used to carry him across the streets and teach him car, cow, tree, etc. en route. When he was 2 years old, he used to cuddle with me in bed and asked me to tell him a story. I told him the Lion and Mouse story wherein the mouse intelligently killed the lion in a well. I told the story with all fanfare and action and roared like a lion etc. to make him fear but he was smiling at me with his eyes wide open. I also made some interim questions and he answered them correctly. After the story was over, when I asked him whether he feared the lion, he said he would kill the lion himself if it came before him.
My wife chided me for scaring our grandson by roaring like a lion without knowing the fact that the little fellow was not at all perturbed by my antics. She took him away but only to return him after he cried to come back to me to listen to my story. My daughter, smiling like a Mona Lisa, enjoyed her parent's association with her kid. Whenever he wanted a story I repeated the same. One day, he asked for a different story, I could not tell him as I did not know any other kid's story. I just managed by telling him the same story changing the lion into tiger and the mouse into a squirrel. He said it was the same story and not a different one and he did not like it.
I appreciated his intelligence but I could not tell him a different story. He then did not ask for any story saying that he was fed up with lion and mouse story. The same scenario was repeated after 4 years with my second grandson Chi. Keshav and then after another 4 years with the granddaughter sow.Sahana when they were two years old. Now 20 years have passed and Chi. Pranav, after completing his school education in the US, is pursuing a career in Astro-Physics in the college. Even now whenever we meet he used to cuddle with me and lay beside me in the bed and start telling me the lion and mouse story. It is now my turn to tell him that I am fed up with the story. In this connection I have written an article THE ART OF STORY TELLING TO KIDS
In ten years, between 1992 to 2001, the money that my father-in-law gave, and all my earnings till then including my brother-in-law's firm, had vanished into thin air in the form of my children's education, daughter's wedding and family expenses for ten years. Not only I was jobless, I was also penny less. I was 56 and the future looked bleak. No one was willing to hire me. Once again I was in the street. Excepting the house, I didn't have anything. Good thing I had a house otherwise there would be no place to stay. God gave me only what I deserved and not what I desired. At that time, my children came to my support. I thought whether I was in the same track like my father.
My children were wonderful. They gave their entire earnings. They didn't keep any thing for them. The family was like the car, my daughter was like the engine, my son was like the petrol and myself and my wife were like the drivers. They were not like the present day children. Myself and my wife decided to spend minimum and save maximum. Actually we wanted to live only in the interest part of our children's money. They have their future. I am old. If I lead a luxurious life with their money God would not forgive me. I should be a responsible father. In the present day world , housing, children's education and their wedding, parent's medical expenses and their retired living are very expensive. They have to save a lot to meet all these expenses. I should bear all these things in my mind before spending their money.
For your kind information and also guidance, I am pleased to give below a statement showing my average monthly expenses for the last 15 years from 2001 to 2015.
Year Food Non food Capital Total
[Excl.house]
2001 2500 -- 1500 4000
02 3000 -- 5340 8340 [surya MCA fees]
03 3750 -- 1660 5410 -do-
04 2845 2126 1529 6500
05 2401 1889 1343 5633
06 2309 1515 813 4637
07 2687 1687 1440 5814
08 2454 2203 1809 6466
09 2495 1865 1059 5419
10 2266 1235 1302 4803
11 2390 1358 2022 5770
12 2838 1152 2219 6209
13 3580 822 1781 6183
14 4300 1858 1026 7184
15 4340 1874 1960 8174
Total 44155 19584 26803 90542
Average 3680 1632 2234 7546
I hope this will help you to know the type of life we were leading and why?
Until my daughter's wedding I was not suffering much. It was only from 2001 the misfortune started again. So my son was witness to everything. He had great understanding with his parents. He never demanded anything. He gave all his money. My daughter worked for only 3 years during 2001 to 2004 and she gave her full support. I had to thank my son in law for this fine gesture.Then she gave me another grandson in 2004. Thereafter she did not go for employment. My son continued to give from 2001 till 2015. Our daughter had gone to the US in 2006. She continued her teaching children there. She sent money every year, The contribution by both were equal. You won't believe that during this period, we not only lived our life but also saved their money. I am proud to say that whatever money they had given me, I have it now to be given back to them. Though I led a very economical life, I am happy that I had done the father's duty. I have written an article in my blog under the caption " A FATHER AND THE SON" and "AN OVERVIEW OF LAST 15 YEARS".
There was a wedding for my wife's sister's son at Srirangam. We both attended the wedding. Since I was on the look out for an alliance for my son, I always carried his horoscope and photo so that it is handy when I met prospective alliance, At the wedding hall I met a lady with whom a beautiful girl was sitting. I liked the girl and approached the lady. She said she was from Pudukottai and the girl was her neighbour's daughter and that her elder sister was for marriage. I gave my son's horoscope and photo to the girl and asked her to give it her father and if he was interested he could send the details of her sister on Email. From there I reached Hyderabad and I received the email in two days and decided to proceed further.
Myself and my wife went to Pudukottai and saw the girl. We liked her and thought that she would be suitable for our son. As my son could not come to Pudukottai to see the girl, I suggested to the father that he could bring the girl to Chennai and I would get my son from Hyderabad so that they could meet each other at Chennai. He said he did not have any one at Chennai. So I invited him to come to my house and we decided to have it done in my house. He agreed and I told him you were coming to Chennai on my request. Therefore if my son agreed to the proposal the expenses would be borne by you and if he rejected the proposal, I would bear the cost. I thought this was fair enough. They came on the day when my son had planned to visit for his friend's wedding at Chennai. The girl and the boy met and decided to marry each other.
On 21st Aug 2008, when my son was 28, I conducted his wedding, My daughter-in-law's name is Akilandeswari alias Anuradha. I have written an article about her in my blog under the caption "ANOTHER INDRA GANDHI IN THE MAKING" Before his wedding, I told him that I could only get alliances for him and he had to select the girl suitable for him. In those days parents selected the girl for us. Now it was different. There are rich/poor, beautiful/average, educated/ uneducated, working/not working, city/ rural girls. You will have to select. And he selected his girl. They have good understanding. They have given me a granddaughter in 2009. In this connection I have written an article under the caption "OUR GRANDDAUGHTER IS NAMED AFTER HER " Both my son-in-law and daughter-in-law are very calm and pious in nature. They never get agitated. They go along with their spouses very well. It is God's blessing. I have my own way of conducting the wedding. I do it in a planned way. I see that about 70% of the expenses are gifts given to my close people. I have lot of goodwill among my siblings. I have written an article under the title "HOW TO CONDUCT A WEDDING ?"
My daughter side sambandhi is Mr.Visweswaran. His son's star is Swathi. His daughter's star is Magam. His son-in-law's star is Swathi His daughter side sambandhi's name is Mr.Hariharan. My son's star is Swathi. My daughter's star is Magam. My son-in-law's star is Swathi. My son's side sambandhi's name is MrHariharan. Both myself and my son in law's mother studied in the same school at Periakulam when we were ten. My son in law and my daughter studied in the same school at Anna Nagar. What a coincidence!!!
When my son was married in 2008, I was 63 and my wife was 60, more than our retirement age. However, we did not want to settle with our son. When my father wanted to settle with his sons in 1982, he was 66 and my mother was 57. So I decided to allow my son the freedom for some more time so that he could enjoy the life. Though they had been calling us to join with them we kept it pending. We made visits every two months. We thought it was too early to settle with the son losing our independence. In 2013, we visited the US for 6 months. We enjoyed the trip to our maximum. We saw many places. To be with our grandchildren was wonderful. We also visited California and stayed with my sister's daughter. We made the second visit in 2015 for 6 months. It was not as great as the first one since we had seen all the places before. My daughter met all the expenses for both the trips.
I have my house at Chennai. My son is employed in Hyderabad. He is not willing to come to Chennai. We have to come to his place to live with him. But what to do with my house?. I have my own sentimental attachment toward my house. It is like a son to me. In my difficult days it had helped me like a son. If I was away from my house even on office duty, I rushed back to be in my house. Even now when I stay away from my house I get dreams and I want to visit my house. It has become a part and parcel of my life. I think this feeling may not be there in the case of a house or flat purchased. Like rearing a child, I had constructed it brick after brick. The troubles I had undergone to see it grew could not be explained in words. I do not know what to do. I now feel why I have constructed a house at all.
Now I am 71 and my wife is 68. We are no longer be able to live independently. It is said that poverty in young age is unbearable. Similarly loneliness in old age is also unbearable. We can no longer be alone. Loneliness kills. Though mind is willing body is not cooperating as before. We are unable to move out of the house. To remain idle and alone inside the house is a punishment. It is better to be with the grandchildren. But we cannot go to US every now and then. The only place now available for us to stay is our son's house. I thought it would be better if I had more children like my father. After our return from the US in Dec 2015, we decided to stay with our son permanently. We have been staying with them for the last 5 months. They are looking after us with all love and affection. There is no doubt about it. Our granddaughter is a gem. She loves us more than my children. To be away from her is too difficult.
I have written my will. All people who have property should write a will. It is only to identify the legal heirs. Among them the wife is the most important. She has suffered the entire life with you. She is the best companion in life. She cannot be equaled with others. She is always a special person. She must get the first and full inheritance. Only after her, it should go to the children. If this is not made clear in the will, she will be considered equal to the children and will get only equal share. This is not a fair treatment for a special person. In my will, I have apportioned the house, jewels and the money equally and fairly. Though my children are good in nature and though they will not fight with each other for my property, I have written the will as it is my duty. I have also covered Insurance for medical expenses for myself and my wife. It is under the AROGYADAAN scheme of Andra Bank and United India Insurance Co. I started it in 2004 for 3 lakhs. Now I have increased it to 8 lakhs since then. Both of us are eligible to claim up to 8 lacs during a year. So far I have not claimed anything.
I am keeping my fingers crossed. On one side my house is there. On the other side my physical inability to live in the house alone is there. To live with my son I have to be away from my house. I compromised to sell the house and buy a new one at Hyderabad. But the society has gone on the wrong side. There is corruption and black money everywhere. Both at the selling point at Chennai and at the buying point at Hyderabad I may have to deal with huge black money. Having lived my life so far following the golden words of my principled father, I do not want to lose my peace of mind for the sake of unethical income at this old age. If I want to reconstruct, nobody is going to live and enjoy my property as it can be only rented out to others. You don't get the satisfaction of having lived in your father's house.
Over the years I have lost 90% of my hearing capacity. I am unable to hear anything clearly if I talk over the telephone. I am unable to hear properly even with hearing aid. So I can either read or write only. I cannot enjoy TV and other things. Is deafness a curse? People discriminate between the blind, the lame and the deaf. Their sufferings are the same. It is evident in the case of a blind and lame but not in the case of a deaf. You do not know how much a deaf suffers. The sound of a car, the barking of a dog, the crying of a baby, the whistling of the wind, the music on the TV, he can hear nothing. For him everywhere there is SILENCE. The pity is nobody to sympathize with him. When a dog barks, the normal is able to see the dog, hears the barking, and feels its ferocity. It is LIVE for him. When a deaf sees the same scene, he can only see the dog but does not hear the barking nor feels its ferocity. It is DEAD for him. Have some sympathy on them.
I made three grave mistakes in my life. I am able to judge, assess and criticize myself. To that extent, I have grown mentally. At first, I should have studied 3-year Diploma as per my father's wish and also did AMIE subsequently fulfilling my father's desire that I should be an engineer. If I had done that, I would have been a different person now. I disappointed him. Secondly, I should have constructed the first floor in my house with a part of the money that my father-in-law gave my wife. I might be getting about 20000 per month as rent. Thirdly I should not have left DCW which was due to my ego. If I had accepted their offer and continued there, life would have different with rental incomes from the two floors of my house. What to do? That was madness. I cannot call it a fate which comes accidentally and not deliberately. Even now, when I am alone and my mind keeps wandering, I brood over these mistakes and suddenly tears roll down my eyes.
I am a very contended man. I do not have wild desires. All my needs are simple. I have a passion for writing. I have a blog in which I scribble something that occurs to my mind. It is mostly small incidents in my life. I like reading books. I need at least 2 books a month. In my younger days I was reading Tamil magazines. Slowly I lost interest in them. Then I turned to Tamil novels. After sometime I got bored with it. It may be due to poor quality of writing or better standard in my reading. Then I started reading English novels. I like to hear carnatic music or melodious film music. I like to travel but body is not cooperating now. I like to visit my relatives and friends. But they are busy and have their own problems. I need a small room with minimum facility and privacy, simple dress, simple food and peace of mind. The last one is most difficult to get.
Now, I am more interested in reading spiritual books. Bhagavad Gita is divided into three parts as Karma Yoga, Gnana Yoga and Bakthi Yoga. It is in that order. In other words, it represents life. Assuming a person lives an average life of 70 years, he spends the first 50 years in doing his duty or Karma for which he is born. The next 10 years he spends reading various spiritual books [written original] and enhances his knowledge about the Lord, life and death. The rest of his life he practises renunciation and develop Bhakthi towards the Lord. By renunciation you become desire less and concentrate all the time on the Lord by meditation and Yoga. A person who successfully attains this stage is speechless. He does not get anger, taste, dress sense, sex, likes and dislikes, hatred, pain or pleasure. He becomes devoted to God always. Such a stage is called spiritually enlightened. Everyone must try to attain this state which is called bliss.
Mostly I am Idle. I have no work. People do not give me work, do not talk to me, because I cannot hear. I want to talk, I want to listen but they are not prepared. I am fed up up with reading and writing. Everything looks already read. I cannot go out for the fear of getting infected or meeting with accident. What else I can do to spend the time. O' God, give me peace of mind. Do not torture me like this continuously. I have seen only sufferings in my life. Excepting rare occasions, my life is full of misery. Either a misfortune or a worry or a problem is always awaiting for me in the corner of the street. I am in the last stages of mt life. At least allow me to have peace of mind till I breath my last. Worries are mounting every day and I am unable to withstand at this age.. People have different life styles. The old life style based on values has already gone. People have become greedy. Corruption, black money, violence, lawlessness are the order of the day. It is unfit for people like me to live here. Please take me away with you. I can no longer live in this world. Your Lotus Feet are the only place where I can find solace and peace. Please take me at the earliest for which I shall be ever grateful to you My Lord.
=CONCLUDED=
God has different plans. Nobody knows it. When a person receives something good, his joy knew no bounds. He jumps from sky to earth. When he meets with a misfortune, he loses his cool. He gets dejected. He feels he has lost everything. He concludes there is no future for him. To take both success and failure equally, one must have equilibrium of mind. It is rare to see a person like that. I was so sad. Both myself and my wife did not sleep that night. Though there was no immediate danger as we had the money given by my father-in-law, it was my wife's money and I had to stand on my own legs.
On the next day, I did not go to office. I talked to my next brother who was working as senior manager in a leading bank. I explained to him the situation and requested him whether he could help me in getting a job at Chennai. He said he would find out and asked me to contact him in the night. When I contacted him, he said, Southern Painters, a proprietary firm, would be willing to hire me. The salary would be around 3000 PM. I thanked him and told him that I would return to Chennai and accept it. He said I was Welcome. I informed Mr.Surana of Hartex that I was unable to continue and was returning to Chennai. He felt sorry and wished me good luck.
I packed my luggage and returned to Chennai. My brother was staying in my house as he has rented out his flat. Since his tenant was unable to vacate the flat, he was also not able to vacate my house. So I had to take another house on rent. I immediately admitted my son in the school. Within two days, I called on the MD, Mr Rajappan, of Southern Painters, and joined duty.They were doing painting works mainly on oil tanks of oil companies like IOC, HPCL, BPCL etc. The staff was mostly on site, and in the office, we were only four. The timing was 9 to 5. The main jobs were writing of accounts, preparation of bills for jobs completed, and follow up for payments.
The job somehow was not to my liking. The person who was writing the accounts did not like me as I had superseded him. They were not doing the job perfectly. The owner's son was troublesome. However, I continued in the job out of necessity. After having worked in corporate offices, working in a small firm did not go well with me. What to do then? It was my fate and I had to endure it. One day when I was leaving the office, the boss called me and gave me a cover containing Rs.5000/. He asked me to handover the cover to a person living in Anna nagar. I knew that person and it was a bribe for him to pass our pending bills. What would happen to me if I was caught by police? Being the son of a father who stood for principles in his life, I returned the cover to him and told him that I was not willing to do such work and I was resigning the job and I would not be coming on the next day. Was I a fool?
I did not know how I gained confidence in life. Is it due to age or experience or the prosperity I had gained or the frustration in life. It may be anything. My daughter finished her 12th std. In the summer vocation, we went to our sister's house in Bangalore. My children and their two daughters were good friends. My brother-in-law was a metallurgical engineer. He was running a small unit manufacturing foundry chemicals. Their life was more interesting than mine. They both were running the unit together. One day, my sister asked me whether I would be interested in joining them. I had to market their product in Coimbatore and collect payment. She offered 2000 PM and 2% commission on sales. I agreed and worked with them for 4 years from 1992 to 1996.
Coimbatore is a nice place in TamilNadu. The weather is good suitable for foundries. The people and hotels are good. It is the major market for foundry products. From small units to big factories there are around 600 units. It is not easy to market your products here. There are as many companies to supply the product. The competition is high. Foceco is the major supplier. People are ready to take their product even if the price is high. They hesitated to take your product even if your quality is better. Because of the competition and availability of many products, to get order is difficult. Other suppliers are ready to wait for payment. So to get payment is also very difficult. In short it is a buyer's market.
Without forgetting my father's words, I admitted my daughter in Engineering. Unlike me, my daughter was good at studies. Meanwhile, I conducted the Upanayanam of my son in 1995. I have written an article on this under the title "WIFE IS YOUR LIFE". During those 4 years with my sister, I was able to further improve upon my financial position and also met my children's educational expenses. I may not be in a better level, if I had continued in Hartex or in DCW. All credit went to my sister. I understood that God had different plans for me. To give me something better, He took away another thing. On the whole, my position was improving. My wife led a simple life without being extravagant and due to her help I could save more. I have written an article in my blog under the caption "A DAUGHTER WANTED TO KILL THE FATHER"
Once again, life was moving smooth in the right track. My daughter had come to the final year BE, and my son had finished his 12 std. Both of them were not lacking in education or in discipline or in giving respect to elders. Whenever I looked at them, I thought how I was in their age. They were far better than me in all aspects. Unlike my father, I was very happy with them. They fulfilled all my dreams as a child, as a student and as a family member. My daughter was 21 and the son was 17. One day, we sat together for discussions. I wanted to get my daughter married. I believed in getting girls married early as it was beneficial to them in all aspects. But my daughter said she would work and support the family till my son finished his studies. If my father was alive, he would have been very much pleased with this answer. I started searching for a suitable alliance for my daughter. I have written an article under the caption "FINDING AN ALLIANCE FOR THE DAUGHTER" expressing my experiences.
In March 1997, the boy's parents came to see my daughter. I always preferred the parents to see the girl first and got satisfied so that the boy could come later. They liked the girl and returned home. On the next day, they telephoned that their son had come and they wanted to come again. They came in the evening and both the boy and the girl met. The boy's name was Kartik and he was a chemical engineer from BITS Pilani and was working in HPCL at Vizag. They liked each other and the betrothal was conducted. The next day he was leaving for Vizag and I sent my daughter to the station to see him off. After sometime he got admission in IIM to do PGDM and they came to my house to discuss about study/wedding. My daughter categorically told them that he should do IIM and for that she was ready to be away from him for two years after the wedding. What a gesture!!!
In 1996, the understanding between me and my brother-in-law came to an end. I was once again jobless and there was no income to the family. However, as a father, I was more interested in her well being. We conducted her wedding on 22nd August 1997, just after her passing the BE. She came second in the University. My son-in-law was also an engineer from BITS Pilani. He did his PGDM in IIM after the wedding. My son finished his 12th std. When I wanted to admit him in BE there was demand for capitation fee. My son rejected my proposal to pay capitation fee and said he would study B.Sc and MCA thereafter. I allowed him to go as per his wish. I have written an article in this connection under the caption "THIS LETTER IS 54 YEARS OLD" While doing his degree, he also did two year GNIIT course in computers. He finished his MCA and went for job in 2001. Meanwhile, I got my first grandson in 1999. My daughter had done her MBA and joined a leading college as lecturer in 2001. Both the son and daughter started supporting me.
At 54, when I got my first grandson Chi Pranav, I was in cloud nine. I used to carry him across the streets and teach him car, cow, tree, etc. en route. When he was 2 years old, he used to cuddle with me in bed and asked me to tell him a story. I told him the Lion and Mouse story wherein the mouse intelligently killed the lion in a well. I told the story with all fanfare and action and roared like a lion etc. to make him fear but he was smiling at me with his eyes wide open. I also made some interim questions and he answered them correctly. After the story was over, when I asked him whether he feared the lion, he said he would kill the lion himself if it came before him.
My wife chided me for scaring our grandson by roaring like a lion without knowing the fact that the little fellow was not at all perturbed by my antics. She took him away but only to return him after he cried to come back to me to listen to my story. My daughter, smiling like a Mona Lisa, enjoyed her parent's association with her kid. Whenever he wanted a story I repeated the same. One day, he asked for a different story, I could not tell him as I did not know any other kid's story. I just managed by telling him the same story changing the lion into tiger and the mouse into a squirrel. He said it was the same story and not a different one and he did not like it.
I appreciated his intelligence but I could not tell him a different story. He then did not ask for any story saying that he was fed up with lion and mouse story. The same scenario was repeated after 4 years with my second grandson Chi. Keshav and then after another 4 years with the granddaughter sow.Sahana when they were two years old. Now 20 years have passed and Chi. Pranav, after completing his school education in the US, is pursuing a career in Astro-Physics in the college. Even now whenever we meet he used to cuddle with me and lay beside me in the bed and start telling me the lion and mouse story. It is now my turn to tell him that I am fed up with the story. In this connection I have written an article THE ART OF STORY TELLING TO KIDS
In ten years, between 1992 to 2001, the money that my father-in-law gave, and all my earnings till then including my brother-in-law's firm, had vanished into thin air in the form of my children's education, daughter's wedding and family expenses for ten years. Not only I was jobless, I was also penny less. I was 56 and the future looked bleak. No one was willing to hire me. Once again I was in the street. Excepting the house, I didn't have anything. Good thing I had a house otherwise there would be no place to stay. God gave me only what I deserved and not what I desired. At that time, my children came to my support. I thought whether I was in the same track like my father.
My children were wonderful. They gave their entire earnings. They didn't keep any thing for them. The family was like the car, my daughter was like the engine, my son was like the petrol and myself and my wife were like the drivers. They were not like the present day children. Myself and my wife decided to spend minimum and save maximum. Actually we wanted to live only in the interest part of our children's money. They have their future. I am old. If I lead a luxurious life with their money God would not forgive me. I should be a responsible father. In the present day world , housing, children's education and their wedding, parent's medical expenses and their retired living are very expensive. They have to save a lot to meet all these expenses. I should bear all these things in my mind before spending their money.
For your kind information and also guidance, I am pleased to give below a statement showing my average monthly expenses for the last 15 years from 2001 to 2015.
Year Food Non food Capital Total
[Excl.house]
2001 2500 -- 1500 4000
02 3000 -- 5340 8340 [surya MCA fees]
03 3750 -- 1660 5410 -do-
04 2845 2126 1529 6500
05 2401 1889 1343 5633
06 2309 1515 813 4637
07 2687 1687 1440 5814
08 2454 2203 1809 6466
09 2495 1865 1059 5419
10 2266 1235 1302 4803
11 2390 1358 2022 5770
12 2838 1152 2219 6209
13 3580 822 1781 6183
14 4300 1858 1026 7184
15 4340 1874 1960 8174
Total 44155 19584 26803 90542
Average 3680 1632 2234 7546
I hope this will help you to know the type of life we were leading and why?
Until my daughter's wedding I was not suffering much. It was only from 2001 the misfortune started again. So my son was witness to everything. He had great understanding with his parents. He never demanded anything. He gave all his money. My daughter worked for only 3 years during 2001 to 2004 and she gave her full support. I had to thank my son in law for this fine gesture.Then she gave me another grandson in 2004. Thereafter she did not go for employment. My son continued to give from 2001 till 2015. Our daughter had gone to the US in 2006. She continued her teaching children there. She sent money every year, The contribution by both were equal. You won't believe that during this period, we not only lived our life but also saved their money. I am proud to say that whatever money they had given me, I have it now to be given back to them. Though I led a very economical life, I am happy that I had done the father's duty. I have written an article in my blog under the caption " A FATHER AND THE SON" and "AN OVERVIEW OF LAST 15 YEARS".
There was a wedding for my wife's sister's son at Srirangam. We both attended the wedding. Since I was on the look out for an alliance for my son, I always carried his horoscope and photo so that it is handy when I met prospective alliance, At the wedding hall I met a lady with whom a beautiful girl was sitting. I liked the girl and approached the lady. She said she was from Pudukottai and the girl was her neighbour's daughter and that her elder sister was for marriage. I gave my son's horoscope and photo to the girl and asked her to give it her father and if he was interested he could send the details of her sister on Email. From there I reached Hyderabad and I received the email in two days and decided to proceed further.
Myself and my wife went to Pudukottai and saw the girl. We liked her and thought that she would be suitable for our son. As my son could not come to Pudukottai to see the girl, I suggested to the father that he could bring the girl to Chennai and I would get my son from Hyderabad so that they could meet each other at Chennai. He said he did not have any one at Chennai. So I invited him to come to my house and we decided to have it done in my house. He agreed and I told him you were coming to Chennai on my request. Therefore if my son agreed to the proposal the expenses would be borne by you and if he rejected the proposal, I would bear the cost. I thought this was fair enough. They came on the day when my son had planned to visit for his friend's wedding at Chennai. The girl and the boy met and decided to marry each other.
On 21st Aug 2008, when my son was 28, I conducted his wedding, My daughter-in-law's name is Akilandeswari alias Anuradha. I have written an article about her in my blog under the caption "ANOTHER INDRA GANDHI IN THE MAKING" Before his wedding, I told him that I could only get alliances for him and he had to select the girl suitable for him. In those days parents selected the girl for us. Now it was different. There are rich/poor, beautiful/average, educated/ uneducated, working/not working, city/ rural girls. You will have to select. And he selected his girl. They have good understanding. They have given me a granddaughter in 2009. In this connection I have written an article under the caption "OUR GRANDDAUGHTER IS NAMED AFTER HER " Both my son-in-law and daughter-in-law are very calm and pious in nature. They never get agitated. They go along with their spouses very well. It is God's blessing. I have my own way of conducting the wedding. I do it in a planned way. I see that about 70% of the expenses are gifts given to my close people. I have lot of goodwill among my siblings. I have written an article under the title "HOW TO CONDUCT A WEDDING ?"
My daughter side sambandhi is Mr.Visweswaran. His son's star is Swathi. His daughter's star is Magam. His son-in-law's star is Swathi His daughter side sambandhi's name is Mr.Hariharan. My son's star is Swathi. My daughter's star is Magam. My son-in-law's star is Swathi. My son's side sambandhi's name is MrHariharan. Both myself and my son in law's mother studied in the same school at Periakulam when we were ten. My son in law and my daughter studied in the same school at Anna Nagar. What a coincidence!!!
When my son was married in 2008, I was 63 and my wife was 60, more than our retirement age. However, we did not want to settle with our son. When my father wanted to settle with his sons in 1982, he was 66 and my mother was 57. So I decided to allow my son the freedom for some more time so that he could enjoy the life. Though they had been calling us to join with them we kept it pending. We made visits every two months. We thought it was too early to settle with the son losing our independence. In 2013, we visited the US for 6 months. We enjoyed the trip to our maximum. We saw many places. To be with our grandchildren was wonderful. We also visited California and stayed with my sister's daughter. We made the second visit in 2015 for 6 months. It was not as great as the first one since we had seen all the places before. My daughter met all the expenses for both the trips.
I have my house at Chennai. My son is employed in Hyderabad. He is not willing to come to Chennai. We have to come to his place to live with him. But what to do with my house?. I have my own sentimental attachment toward my house. It is like a son to me. In my difficult days it had helped me like a son. If I was away from my house even on office duty, I rushed back to be in my house. Even now when I stay away from my house I get dreams and I want to visit my house. It has become a part and parcel of my life. I think this feeling may not be there in the case of a house or flat purchased. Like rearing a child, I had constructed it brick after brick. The troubles I had undergone to see it grew could not be explained in words. I do not know what to do. I now feel why I have constructed a house at all.
Now I am 71 and my wife is 68. We are no longer be able to live independently. It is said that poverty in young age is unbearable. Similarly loneliness in old age is also unbearable. We can no longer be alone. Loneliness kills. Though mind is willing body is not cooperating as before. We are unable to move out of the house. To remain idle and alone inside the house is a punishment. It is better to be with the grandchildren. But we cannot go to US every now and then. The only place now available for us to stay is our son's house. I thought it would be better if I had more children like my father. After our return from the US in Dec 2015, we decided to stay with our son permanently. We have been staying with them for the last 5 months. They are looking after us with all love and affection. There is no doubt about it. Our granddaughter is a gem. She loves us more than my children. To be away from her is too difficult.
I have written my will. All people who have property should write a will. It is only to identify the legal heirs. Among them the wife is the most important. She has suffered the entire life with you. She is the best companion in life. She cannot be equaled with others. She is always a special person. She must get the first and full inheritance. Only after her, it should go to the children. If this is not made clear in the will, she will be considered equal to the children and will get only equal share. This is not a fair treatment for a special person. In my will, I have apportioned the house, jewels and the money equally and fairly. Though my children are good in nature and though they will not fight with each other for my property, I have written the will as it is my duty. I have also covered Insurance for medical expenses for myself and my wife. It is under the AROGYADAAN scheme of Andra Bank and United India Insurance Co. I started it in 2004 for 3 lakhs. Now I have increased it to 8 lakhs since then. Both of us are eligible to claim up to 8 lacs during a year. So far I have not claimed anything.
I am keeping my fingers crossed. On one side my house is there. On the other side my physical inability to live in the house alone is there. To live with my son I have to be away from my house. I compromised to sell the house and buy a new one at Hyderabad. But the society has gone on the wrong side. There is corruption and black money everywhere. Both at the selling point at Chennai and at the buying point at Hyderabad I may have to deal with huge black money. Having lived my life so far following the golden words of my principled father, I do not want to lose my peace of mind for the sake of unethical income at this old age. If I want to reconstruct, nobody is going to live and enjoy my property as it can be only rented out to others. You don't get the satisfaction of having lived in your father's house.
Over the years I have lost 90% of my hearing capacity. I am unable to hear anything clearly if I talk over the telephone. I am unable to hear properly even with hearing aid. So I can either read or write only. I cannot enjoy TV and other things. Is deafness a curse? People discriminate between the blind, the lame and the deaf. Their sufferings are the same. It is evident in the case of a blind and lame but not in the case of a deaf. You do not know how much a deaf suffers. The sound of a car, the barking of a dog, the crying of a baby, the whistling of the wind, the music on the TV, he can hear nothing. For him everywhere there is SILENCE. The pity is nobody to sympathize with him. When a dog barks, the normal is able to see the dog, hears the barking, and feels its ferocity. It is LIVE for him. When a deaf sees the same scene, he can only see the dog but does not hear the barking nor feels its ferocity. It is DEAD for him. Have some sympathy on them.
I made three grave mistakes in my life. I am able to judge, assess and criticize myself. To that extent, I have grown mentally. At first, I should have studied 3-year Diploma as per my father's wish and also did AMIE subsequently fulfilling my father's desire that I should be an engineer. If I had done that, I would have been a different person now. I disappointed him. Secondly, I should have constructed the first floor in my house with a part of the money that my father-in-law gave my wife. I might be getting about 20000 per month as rent. Thirdly I should not have left DCW which was due to my ego. If I had accepted their offer and continued there, life would have different with rental incomes from the two floors of my house. What to do? That was madness. I cannot call it a fate which comes accidentally and not deliberately. Even now, when I am alone and my mind keeps wandering, I brood over these mistakes and suddenly tears roll down my eyes.
I am a very contended man. I do not have wild desires. All my needs are simple. I have a passion for writing. I have a blog in which I scribble something that occurs to my mind. It is mostly small incidents in my life. I like reading books. I need at least 2 books a month. In my younger days I was reading Tamil magazines. Slowly I lost interest in them. Then I turned to Tamil novels. After sometime I got bored with it. It may be due to poor quality of writing or better standard in my reading. Then I started reading English novels. I like to hear carnatic music or melodious film music. I like to travel but body is not cooperating now. I like to visit my relatives and friends. But they are busy and have their own problems. I need a small room with minimum facility and privacy, simple dress, simple food and peace of mind. The last one is most difficult to get.
Now, I am more interested in reading spiritual books. Bhagavad Gita is divided into three parts as Karma Yoga, Gnana Yoga and Bakthi Yoga. It is in that order. In other words, it represents life. Assuming a person lives an average life of 70 years, he spends the first 50 years in doing his duty or Karma for which he is born. The next 10 years he spends reading various spiritual books [written original] and enhances his knowledge about the Lord, life and death. The rest of his life he practises renunciation and develop Bhakthi towards the Lord. By renunciation you become desire less and concentrate all the time on the Lord by meditation and Yoga. A person who successfully attains this stage is speechless. He does not get anger, taste, dress sense, sex, likes and dislikes, hatred, pain or pleasure. He becomes devoted to God always. Such a stage is called spiritually enlightened. Everyone must try to attain this state which is called bliss.
Mostly I am Idle. I have no work. People do not give me work, do not talk to me, because I cannot hear. I want to talk, I want to listen but they are not prepared. I am fed up up with reading and writing. Everything looks already read. I cannot go out for the fear of getting infected or meeting with accident. What else I can do to spend the time. O' God, give me peace of mind. Do not torture me like this continuously. I have seen only sufferings in my life. Excepting rare occasions, my life is full of misery. Either a misfortune or a worry or a problem is always awaiting for me in the corner of the street. I am in the last stages of mt life. At least allow me to have peace of mind till I breath my last. Worries are mounting every day and I am unable to withstand at this age.. People have different life styles. The old life style based on values has already gone. People have become greedy. Corruption, black money, violence, lawlessness are the order of the day. It is unfit for people like me to live here. Please take me away with you. I can no longer live in this world. Your Lotus Feet are the only place where I can find solace and peace. Please take me at the earliest for which I shall be ever grateful to you My Lord.
=CONCLUDED=
ReplyDeleteRam Ramani
3:55 AM (2 hours ago)
to me
Thanks for forwarding. It was an interesting read to get a peek into your life journey.
Regards
Gowri Ramkumar
ReplyDelete9:00 AM (24 minutes ago)
to me, Ram
Dear Mama,
Read all the three parts - it was like reading a very interesting 'viru-viru' novel. What an interesting life! There is a lot to learn from your experiences - thanks for sharing.
I am touched by your love for your father, your desire to fulfill his dream and your want to get his final approval for your actions. You have a beautiful family - awesome great kids and a wonderful loving wife. Very blessed life - in spite of the ups and downs.
To be honest - The last paragraph was the most depressing. I think you are doing the right things - reading, writing, playing with your grand-daughter and keeping your mind active. Enjoy your time and know that you are loved by all your near and dear ones!
Yours affectionately,
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRam Ramani
ReplyDelete10:58 PM (12 hours ago)
to me, Gowri
Thanks for the insight into your thoughts... I can understand, but will appreciate it when we are much older. The feeling of helplessness is not a good one. Hope you feel better!
Regards
Ram Ramani
ReplyDelete9:13 PM (13 hours ago)
to me, Gowri
I appreciated this statement truly only after Aditya/Eesha were born, and continue to do so every day :)
Its natural to feel the loss of what they don't have, but take for granted the things you have.
Good health, loving spouse, kids & family, freedom and an honest life are just a few things
you should be proud of. Not everyone can claim all of them. The conclusion seems to portray
a very pessimistic view, but its worth celebrating rather. Words of wisdom...
we need to learn a lot from your biography!
ReplyDeleteRam Ramani
10:58 PM (12 hours ago)
to me, Gowri
Thanks for the insight into your thoughts... I can understand, but will appreciate it when we are much older. The feeling of helplessness is not a good one. Hope you feel better!
Regards
Dear mama,
ReplyDeleteIt took me sometime to start reading the biography but once I started I couldn't stop till I finished the three parts.
It was in interesting insight about your journey of life in all aspects... from childhood to old age.
I was moved to tears in some parts. The last part made me very sad. I felt you were filled with bitterness.
Tough as your life has been, you are blessed with the wealth of a loving wife and responsible, caring and successful children. I sympathize with your hearing problem...but every person encounters some health problems in old age. Don't be disheartened. Enjoy with Sahana, anu and Surya. Hopefully the house issue will get settled soon.
Looking forward to reading more on your blog.
Best wishes
Take care
Vidu