THE COURT AND ME

Hi friends,

“If you unconditionally apologize, this matter will take a different course. If you choose to accuse ‘A’ or ‘Y’, the matter will be adjudicated,” Justice Dipak Misra observed.

These were the words of the judge of the apex court in the encounter between the Supreme Court and Justice Karnan of the Calcutta High Court. This reminded me of an incident in my life when I was 18 [1963] studying in 1st-year degree. 

We friends used to play cricket on the playground behind Town Hall in Tiruchy. One day, after the game was over, we were returning home. I had an urgent call of nature [pee] and I could not control. There was a corner before the hall where the entire district used to pee giving a dirty smell in the whole area. I went there and cleared my bladder to great relief.

At that time, unexpectedly and unfortunately, a policeman came and asked me "why are you doing it here?. Why don't you go home and do it? Don't you know, you should not do it in public places?". He further asked for personal details of the college, father, address, family, etc. and started advising me.

Unlike now, I was not pious, polite and submissive in those days and in addition I was short-tempered also. I never cared for anything or anybody and I was arrogant, confrontational, used to argue and fight with everyone. I had muscle power and my blood was hot then. 

I asked him " So many people are doing it here daily. Why don't you catch all of them?"The policeman said "You are talking too much. You come to the court tomorrow and ask the judge and he will answer you." and he took my address and gave a copy of the summon.

On the next day, when I went to court, I met my neighbour who was an advocate. He told me "When the magistrate asks you, don't try to explain or argue or counter or question anyone to show your intelligence. Just accept your mistake and seek an apology. 

"He will impose a fine of Rs20/, pay the fine and come out. If you argue, the fine will go up for every word and he will also put you behind the bar for causing a public nuisance," he advised. I did as he suggested and escaped imprisonment. Such incidents taught me a lot in life.

A BLOGGER

Hi friends,

A few days back, I received a letter from a reader of my articles on my FaceBook page which reads as under:

Dear sir,

Pranams. I  am a recent and regular follower of your posts. I share your posts with my daughters. Not only it strengthens their language skills but helps them to communicate a simple message in the most effective way.

Our discussion started when my daughter said while blogging one has to take in to account many things. In my opinion, the blogger should neither be overwhelmed or bewildered. I could not think anything more. As an experienced blogger, I request you to write about this. This would, in turn, benefit many young bloggers in the future. Thanking you in advance.

My reply is as under:

Thank you for your message. I am glad to note that you are a regular reader of my posts. My daughter is in the US and when I went there in 2013. she got me a laptop as a birthday gift. Initially, I did not know how to use it as I was not computer literate. She taught me the fundamentals. This was mainly to spend the time as she was busy. I have a lot of interest in the English language and in writing articles. I went to the US again in 2015. 

To satiate my hunger, she opened a blog for me to write. I did not even know how to open a blog and to handle it. I am not a professional blogger to write a topic on it. I feel that this social media should be used in a useful way for public awareness.  I am 72 and I have a lot of personal experience which I can share with others and also make them learn something useful. Hence I started writing from Jan 2016. So far I have written about 100 articles. 

Professional bloggers use the media to earn money and to eke out their livelihood like other professionals viz. athletes, cricketers, etc. They are paid for their articles and there is also advt. on the blog to earn money. There are also comments and interactions in the blog. It has developed into a great money-spinner and I am not a person involved in such activity. 

Even when the blog asked me to pay a nominal fee or for advt. to boost viewership,  I did not agree and I turned down the offer. I write only for my personal satisfaction and not for making money. I have enough and I have lived my life. I do not need money at this old age. I need only to keep my brain active and to spend the time to fulfill my passion. 

A blog is a discussion published on the World Wide Web.  Posts are displayed in reverse chronological order so that the most recent post appears first. The emergence and growth of blogs in the late 1990s coincided with the advent of web publishing tools that facilitated the posting of content by non-technical users who did not have much experience with HTML or computer programming. Until 2009, blogs were usually the work of an individual, or a small group, and covered a single topic. 

In the 2010s, "multi-author blogs" (MABs) have developed, with posts written by large numbers of authors. MABs account for an increasing quantity of blog traffic. The rise of Twitter and other "microblogging" systems helped integrate MABs. Blogging can be seen as a form of social networking service. Indeed, the blogger does not only produce content to post on their blogs but also build social relations with their readers and another blogger. However, there are high-readership blogs which do not allow comments.

Many blogs provide commentary on a particular topic, ranging from politics to sports. Others function as more personal online diaries, or as online brand advertising of a particular individual or company. The ability of readers to leave publicly viewable comments, and interact with other commenters, is an important contribution to the popularity of many blogs. However, blog owners or authors often moderate and filter online comments to remove hate speech or other offensive content. According to critics and other bloggers, Blogger is the most popular blogging service used today.

A blogger must first think of his audience. What would they love to read? The next thought should be, how to create a captivating content that will lure his  audience to read through the entire post. Finally, the title plays a major role. Apart from all this, he needs to have a spine to call a spade, a spade. He should not fear or scared to write on any topic and  there are guidelines for them. The Blogger's Code of Conduct is a proposal  for blogger to enforce civility on their blogs by being civil themselves and moderating comments on their blog. The code was proposed in 2007 

A list of seven proposed ideas:

1. Take responsibility not just for your own words, but for the comments you allow on your blog.

2. Label your tolerance level for abusive comments.

3. Consider eliminating anonymous comments.

4. Ignore the trolls.

5. Take the conversation offline, and talk directly, or find an intermediary who can do so.

6. If you know someone who is behaving badly, tell them so.

7. Don't say anything online that you wouldn't say in person.

These ideas were  intensely discussed on the Web and in the media. The proposed Code has drawn widespread attention to the necessity of monitoring blogging activity and social norms being as important online as offline.

UNIVERSAL LOVE

Hi friends,

Humanism emphasizes the value of human beings individually and collectively. It is the ability to improve their lives instead of blindly following traditions. Humanism means loving fellow human beings or humanity.

Without humanism, none can achieve Godliness.  The family is the starting point. One learns to love only from the family. It starts from the mother then father, sister, brother, wife, children, grandchildren and it should extend to neighbours, community, country, and humanity.

The year constitutes four seasons. They are spring, summer, autumn, and winter. The day also appears to be like that. Morning is like spring, noon like summer, an evening like autumn, and night is like winter.

Similarly, the world is also classified into four kingdoms. Mineral, vegetable, animal, and human. This classification is reproduced in every mankind also. It is based on their selfish attitude. If they drop the selfish attitude they grow to a higher level.

Mineral men are the worst. They are stone-like, static, and lethargic in nature. They live only for their personal gratification. They do not react unless they need something. They will remain as they are for any period. Personal greed is the only agenda in their life.

Vegetable men are also selfish. But they are better. They care for their immediate family. Wife and children are important to them. They do not worry about others. The majority of people fall in this category. These men do any activity only for the benefit of their family.

Then you get animal men. They are slightly better than the other two. Their interest moves from personal and family satisfaction to that of their community. They worry only about their community and not about others. They are the people responsible for communal instigation.

A fourth category is a human man. They are better than the other three. Their interest lies not only for personal, family, and community. They identify themselves with their whole nation. In the name of patriotism, they love only the people of their country.

There are some who care for the entire universe. They are extremely sweet to all human beings irrespective of their colour, caste, creed, community, or country. A person who attains this stage has realized Godliness. His love is all-embracing without any barrier. They are Godmen.

The human mind is like a cone. When placed on its vertex, it falls down. It does not stay there. If you keep it on its side it is stable. When touched it moves around and it becomes unstable. If you keep it on its base it is static,  permanent. The human mind should be firm like the cone on its base. 

All humans have three qualities. Noble, good and bad. The only difference is in the proportion. Some are 90% noble and 10% bad. Some are 90% bad and 10% good. They are classified according to their qualities. People should try constantly to become noble in nature.

If you become noble then it is easy to become Godly. God resides in every human being. You develop love towards one and all. The rest God will take care of. Loving fellow humans is a noble act. Develop that attitude. You will realize God. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

Inspiration: Vedanta Treatise

A GOOD DAUGHTER IN LAW / SON IN LAW

Hi friends, 

I am going to write here, about the good qualities a daughter in law should possess since she only goes to another family to live the rest of her life. I have also written below about the good qualities a son-in-law should possess.

It is just like taking up a new job. As she qualifies herself for a new job, in life also, she must acquire certain basic qualifications to impress upon the new family so that everyone appreciates her and welcomes her into the family with open arms. It only enhances her importance.

A few months back, one of my very close relatives had expired. I could not attend the funeral despite best efforts to get the ticket. I could make it only for the 10 to 13th-day ceremonies. Everything went on well and on the last day I was sitting in the lawn watching the final rituals

A 9-month pregnant lady came and sat beside me. She was beautiful, intelligent and cheerful. A four-year-old boy was caressing her belly. I had a lot of concern for pregnant women. I inquired about her health. It was her second. The first was normal delivery. She was not scared.

A middle-aged woman, her escort, was all praise for her. She said she was, her daughter in law, a very talented girl and a woman for all seasons and she knew everything from pin to the pumpkin. There is nothing that she did not know. Finally, she declared that she was a Sakalakalavalli.

I told her a Sakalakalavalli should possess ten qualities, four character-based and six performance-based. When she further inquired, I told her the following ten points and advised her to decide whether her daughter in law possessed all the ten to make her a Sakalakalavalli.

1. She should not long to go to her parent's house. [implying she is so much attached to the new family].  

2. She should not talk in high esteem about her parents family. 

3. She should not argue on any account. 

4. She should love her husband to the core and not only on the salary day. 

5. She must know singing especially Carnatic music. 

6. She should be a good cook. 

7. She must keep the house neat and tidy. 

8. She should spend judiciously and not extravagantly. 

9. She should attend to the needs of her in-laws on time. 

10. Everyday evening,  she should light the lamp before the Lord and do pranam to the elders. 

She left the place without uttering another word. Here are the qualities of a good son in law.

1. The husband and his parents should send the girl to her parent's house even before her asking.

2. If the husband and his parents talk in high esteem about her parents she will be happy.

3. If the husband agrees to her reasonable views, she will not argue. The husband can suitably convince if her views are different.

4. A girl not loving the husband is rare. The husband also should reciprocate her love.

5. Normally some men give too much importance to the mother and ignore the wife. Both are important to him.

6. The husband should share with her in kitchen work if she also works. He should not criticize her cooking.

7. Keeping the house neat and tidy is hygienic. The husband should do it wherever she is not able to do like cleaning the fan etc.

8. The husband should disclose financial details to the wife. Girls should know all the details about investments, insurance, etc. All investments should be in joint name. It is teamwork.

9. The husband should also take care of her parents as he expects her to take care of his parents.

10. There should be clear cut understanding and agreement about finance. I have suggested below a formula which can be followed. 

Formula if both husband wife are employed: 

1. They can take an agreed amount as their pocket expense from their income.

2. All family expenses should be accounted and shared by them in the proportion of their income.

3. They are free to spend the balance amount as they please.

4. The final balance amount should be invested in their respective name as joint account.

SO IT IS IN YOUR HANDS.

Hi friends,

It is believed that when Saint Thiruvalluvar called his wife Vasuki when she was drawing water in the well, she left the rope midway to answer his call. The vessel stopped in the same place until she returned. No one knows how far this is true !! However, it shows their mutual understanding.

He was a great poet and no one on earth has imparted so much knowledge in his 1330 couplets. He has covered every aspect of life and there is nothing which he has not mentioned. I doubt most of the Tamil people may not even be knowing ten out of them.

All men and women are equal and no one is superior. The main differences between them, apart from childbearing, are 1. the woman keeps her feelings inside but the man lets it go. 2. The woman weeps outside but the man inside. So much has been written about how they should lead their life happily but no one cares.

An ideal couple is a rarity and understanding couple is a minority. The majority carry on with difference of opinion to safeguard their marriage. Few prefer divorce. Someone said, if all people are given another opportunity, 90% would be willing to remarry. Such is the sorry state of affairs.

The main reason being there is no love, understanding, and compatibility among couples. Each one tries to boss over/rule/overpower/ the other. They expect more from the other giving back nothing in return. Then why people say when one dies, before the other, they will suffer a lot?. 

The key lies in developing detached attachment as advocated in Bhagavad Gita. During their lifetime, they should develop the art of living independent of the other while they live together. They should learn everything from the other so that they don't suffer when one leaves the other.

The man should learn by contributing and helping the wife in all the domestic chores like cooking, washing clothes, sweeping, mopping, cleaning, etc. By doing this, he not only learns the work but also understands her difficulties and also wins her heart.

The woman on her part should contribute and learn the work of men like dealing with the bank, knowing about investments/insurance, traveling alone to places, safeguarding from others, handling cards and managing funds, etc. This will earn her the love and affection of the man.

Most of the people do not allow the other to learn. By learning, they are only preparing themselves to be interdependent as well as independent. They will not suffer from anything excepting loneliness when one departs early which is inevitable. So it is in your hands to design your life.

FRIENDSHIP

Hi friends,

All fingers are not alike. Similarly, all people are not the same. I was a different person when I was young. I was very reserved. I did not easily mingle with others. Just an acquaintance is not friendship. It took a long time for me to accept a person as my friend. Once I accepted him as a friend, I would give my life.

God had given me some special traits. I could easily get into the heart of a person by looking into his eyes, by observing his body language and by understanding his words. I was not easily convinced. I was a doubting Thomas. In most of the cases, I was found to be correct.

I was a proud person. I did not easily budge. I had certain firm belief. It might be or might not be correct. I did not know for sure how I acquired it. If anyone considered that he was big, I was bigger than him. If anyone considered that he was small, I was smaller than him.

I was very conservative. I preferred to be loved than to love. That was why I had only a few friends, not even the number of fingers in one hand. Once I accepted a person as a friend, I did not hesitate to share anything and everything with him. I had full confidence in him.

I am yet to come across a person like that. It is said friendship formed early in life lasts long. I was not fortunate to have one. The five friends, I had during younger days, did not last after their marriage. Their wives did not cooperate in the continuance of our friendship.

True friendship is in the giving and not in the receiving. I am tired of people. They are not sincere, close, open, caring and sharing, and they are just opportunists, I am yet to find a true person who would be willing to give his life for me. 

Out of all the people who moved with me, only one person continues the association with me for more than 50 years. He is a good man, soft-spoken, elder to me by five years. We met in 1967 in the same office. We used to share our lunch as well as our views. Both of us belonged to middle-class families.

He also had lot of responsibilities like me. We were going to office in cycle or bus. After dinner in the night, we used to meet daily and sat in a park and dreamed. One day, he said he would drive a Fiat car around the park. When his  dream came true, I was the first person to be informed.

He wanted to marry an employed girl. In my family they were not preferred. He married an employed girl and I married an unemployed. He has 3 children and I have 2. All are well qualified, decently employed, happily married, and well placed in their life.

We are now separated as I have come to stay with my son due to old age. I am 72 and he is 77. We don't meet often. We talk only over the phone. You don't get the satisfaction of meeting in person. What to do? That is life. We have to carry on till the D day arrived.

GRAMMAR IN THE WEDDING HALL

Hi friends,

The scene in a wedding hall is always lovely and lively. You see people in their best dress, talking gossips and children playing, oh, it is just beautiful to watch. It was 10 AM and I was sitting alone in the middle of a hall attending the wedding of the son of a close relative. As usual, my wife had left me to help the host.

A teenaged girl, probably studying in 12th std, came to me and asked where her mother was. I did not know. However, I could not resist the urge to ask her a question in English grammar. I told her if she answered my question, I would tell her where her mother was. She asked for the question and was caught in the net.

I asked her "What is a GERUND?" As she did not know, she asked for the answer. I told her where her mother was and also gave her time until lunch to tell me the answer. She agreed and left the place to find her mother. Every half an hour thereafter, a girl came and asked me what was a gerund. I replied in the negative to everyone.

At 2 PM, a middle-aged woman, friend of my wife, came and asked me what was a gerund. I could not feign ignorance as she had a high opinion about me. I told her, "In a sentence, a verb taking the suffix 'ing' and acting as a noun is gerund". For eg. In the sentences "walking is a good exercise" and "he loves walking" the word "walking" acts as a gerund.

Within half an hour all the girls came to me and gave the answer. This is how you educate the children. [ Here I remember my English teacher when I was studying SSLC, who used to tell beautiful stories in a train journey and also asked questions on English grammar in between.]