IT HAPPENED ON THE TRAIN.

Hi friends,

Chennai Express runs daily from Secunderabad to Chennai. It starts at 5 PM and reaches Chennai at 6 AM the next morning. I always prefer that train as I will be able to attend to my work on landing. I did not expect the journey on that day would turn out to be a memorable one.

Myself and my wife were seated in the middle. Another aged couple was seated near the window. I was 68 and my wife was 65. They were also of the same age. Just to begin a conversation, I inquired whether the people who came to see them off were his son's family. 

He agreed. I said his DIL seemed to be a good girl. He agreed again and asked how I guessed. I told him I could guess from her looks, from how she talks, and from her body language. Normally, only the son would come. If the DIL also came, it was special and it showed her attachment to her husband and his people.

He wondered whether I was a psychologist. He said he liked me and wanted to discuss a personal problem. He had retired as secretary in Tamil Nadu govt. He lived in Perambur in Chennai. He had his own house on two grounds. 

He had only three sons. The son at Hyd was the eldest and the other two were in Chennai. All the three were well educated, working in IT, and were earning a fabulous salary. All were happily married with one child each and were living separately.

He was getting a pension of 15000 PM. He visited them on rotation and his life was going smooth. The eldest son and DIL showed attachment to them but the other two sons and DILs were indifferent. 

Now, their two younger sons wanted him to sell his house and give their share so that they could invest in a flat. His wife was in favour of them. He was in a dilemma and he was unable to decide. He requested me to give him a solution. 

I said it was time to go to bed and I would think it over and give a reply in the morning. I too was in a similar predicament. In spite of my best efforts, I could not arrive at a solution. A father should be fair to his children and also to his wife who had lived with him all his life. 

To take a decision in the apportionment of his properties, he should have a fair and balanced view. I was deprived of sleep that night trying to find a solution. I got up at 5 AM, brushed and washed, and came back to my seat. 

My friend who had already got up asked me for the solution before the train reached Chennai. On inquiry, he said it was self-acquired property, he had insurance but he had not written a Will, I suggested as under. 

1. "Write a WILL immediately. Otherwise, your wife will get only 1/4th share. Mention clearly that all your property should only go to your wife after your lifetime. Only after her lifetime, your children should share as per the Will. 

2. If any son had given you any cash, return it to him. You apportion the balance of cash and jewels equally among them. 

3. Regarding the house, do not sell it now. After your lifetime, your wife would get half a pension and she should have a place to stay. If she rented, she can also have the rent. She should have some backing. Then only people will respect her. 

4. After her lifetime, the sons can stay or share the rent. The majority of them shall decide about selling or modifying the house. If they decide to sell/modify the house, mention it very clearly, that after adjusting incidental expenses, each son shall get a 30% share totaling 90%. 

5. The balance of 10% shall go to the first son who takes care of you. If the other two are also kind to you, authorize the first son to give them their share from 10%.". 

6. "A handwritten Will by you on plain paper is called holographic will which does not require registration nor witness. Give a copy of the Will to each of them to understand. 

7. The current market value of your house is about 6 crores and 10% works out to 60 lacs. No fool would like to lose it. They will definitely take care of you both. 

8. Whenever you stay with them, compensate their expenses on you by way of giving gifts to the DIL. Your life will be happy and peaceful ".

The train reached Chennai and he thanked me for giving a solution and I had the satisfaction of helping a person in dilemma.

எண்ணமும் செயலும்.

ஒருவருடைய செயல் சரியா அல்லது தவறா என்று கண்டு பிடிக்கஅவருடைய என்ணத்தையும் செயலையும் பார்க்க வேண்டும். இரண்டில்எண்ணம் மிகவும் முக்கியம்.

1. நல்ல எண்ணத்துடன் கூடிய நல்ல செயல் எப்போதும் சரியானது.

2. நல்ல எண்ணத்துடன் கூடிய தவறான செயலும் சரியானதே.

உ-ம் ;ஒரு பெண்ணின் அருகே ஒரு தேள் வருகிறது. அவளைக் காப்பாற்றஅவள் கையை பற்றி இழுக்கிறாய். செயல் தவறாக இருந்தாலும் எண்ணம்சரியாக இருக்கிறது. அதனால் அந்தச் செயல் சரியானதே.

3. தவறான எண்ணத்துடன் செய்யும் நல்ல செயல் தவறானதே.

உ-ம்: உன்னிடம் மிகவும் அழுக்கான ரூபாய் நோட்டு இருக்கிறது. அதையாரும் வாங்க மறுக்கிறார்கள். அதை ஒரு பிச்சைக்காரனுக்கு போடுகிறாய். பிச்சை போடுவது நல்ல செயல். ஆனால் எண்ணம் தவறானது. அதனால்அந்த செயலும் தவறானதே.

4. தவறான எண்ணத்துடன் கூடிய தவறான செயல் எப்போதும் தவறானதே.

Love marriage vs arranged marriage.

This morning during my walk, I saw a college-going boy and a girl aged about 18, fair and good looking, coming from the opposite direction, carrying shoulder bags, holding their hands and before crossing me, talking, laughing, giggling, fighting, arguing, slapping, and smiling. They are in love. How far it is going to be successful is a question mark. 

Marriage is a very important social institution. The basis for any marriage is loving, caring, sharing, adjusting, accepting, accommodating, understanding and tolerating. It has been scientifically proved that 99.99% of the DNA for all human beings is the same and only 0.01% differs. This 0.01% contributes to all the differences between individuals.

Every individual wants to have a perfect match, but the criteria for choosing the partner is different. In love marriages, individuals prefer to choose their partners on their own, while in the case of arranged marriages individuals prefers partners chosen by their family or parents. There is a continuous debate regarding the best way to choose a partner for marriage. Let’s analyze which one of the two is better.

Love marriage

1. Both individuals know each other already and mutually decide to spend the whole life with each other.

2. The couple is aware of each other’s likes and dislikes. Therefore they will get along well. 

3. While making love, the boys do various things to please the girls but they are different after marriage. 

4. Mostly the lover turns a husband which breaks the heart of the girl. If they continue to be lovers even after marriage, then there will ever be happy.

5. The couple is responsible for its choice and onus of the blame in future lies on the couple only and nobody else. 

6. The couple can eradicate social evil like dowry with their mutual consent because they have the independence to make such decisions .

7. The culture of the extravagant spending too can be curbed by the understanding between the couple.

Arranged marriage:

Parents do not consider that their children are matured enough to take an independent decision on marriage. They are unable to digest the fact that their children have taken the decision without even consulting them. So they take it as an insult. Also, they are much worried in case of any eventuality.

1. In an arranged marriage, you do not know anything about the spouse and you have no expectation. 

2. You are happy even if you get reasonable satisfaction and you can improve upon it in due course. 

3. Arranged Marriage is not a contract between two individuals alone but a confluence of two families. 

4. Two families involved in arranged marriages know each other very well and are compatible with each other. 

5. Because there are more people involved in arrange marriage, the conflict between the couple will be effectively resolved or mitigated. 

6. The couple is guided by parents experience whereas in love marriage couple is unknown about the future complexities in life and lacks this experience.

Conclusion:

Both ways have their merits as well as demerits and marriage is a decision of a lifetime. Though families are involved in most of the marriages, it’s the couple who have to live together for a lifetime. So, the decision to choose a life partner should be left to the individuals. Ultimately no one can certify the best way for a perfect married life because like life marriages too are full of uncertainties.

According to research, in India arranged marriages are more and love marriages are less for ethical, moral, cultural, traditional, regional, linguistic, communal, economical, and religious reasons. In cosmopolitan and well to do families this concern does not arise due to the money power and the independence of the children.   

DETAILS TAKEN FROM GOOGLE: In fact, today up to 90 percent of marriages in India and 60 percent of all marriages in the world are arranged. Divorce rates in India overall are pegged at about 1.2 percent. In India rates of divorce in love marriages are much higher than in arranged marriages. According to a 2012 study by Statistic Brain, the global divorce rate for arranged marriages was 6 percent — a significantly low number. Compared to the 55 percent of marriages in the world that are arranged, this low statistic shows the success rate of arranged marriages. 

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